


Forever Young Or Growing Older (just the same)

by g_odalisque13



Category: EXO (Band), Red Velvet (K-pop Band), SHINee, f(x)
Genre: 18th Century, Alternate Universe - Vampire, Angst, Blood, Blood Drinking, Immortality, Mind Manipulation, Multi, Romance, Vampires
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-04
Updated: 2016-08-04
Packaged: 2018-07-23 17:03:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 39,830
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7471989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/g_odalisque13/pseuds/g_odalisque13
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sunyoung is a prick of light in the heavy, dark fabric of endless time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Forever Young Or Growing Older (just the same)

**Author's Note:**

> Part of the same universe as [Dress Me Up and Watch Me Die](http://archiveofourown.org/works/5972170) and [I Taste Like Magic (waves that swallow thick and deep)](http://archiveofourown.org/series/412236). All fics from this au can stand alone and/or be read in any order.

_1772_

 

The wind was frigid when it hit Krystal’s cheeks, hair a tangled mess by then and fingers numb where they gripped the reins.

She'd been riding for hours, following the directions she'd been given as well as she could, but it was dark and cold. Krystal was beginning to fear that she'd made wrong turn at some point, or maybe missed one. 

Getting lost, however, was the least of Krystal’s worries.

Krystal’s insides were twisted up in anxiety, her mind still fighting itself regarding the decision she'd made hours earlier. Days earlier, if she was being honest.

She could still turn around, she reminded herself. It wasn't too late. There was nothing stopping her from heading back in the direction she'd come from, going back to her family's home and the safety of the life she'd always known.

But something still kept her moving forward.

Maybe it was stubbornness. She hated to go back on a decision she'd already made. And it wasn't as though she was afraid of what lay ahead. 

Afraid was the wrong word. 

Trepidatious, maybe. Not because she was afraid of him or what he was. But because her life was about to drastically change. She'd never see her family ever again. That was a caveat of her decision that she was trying not to think too hard about. And she was going to...change. Become something else she didn't quite understand.

It was an extreme choice she'd made. Not the path most would have taken, she knew. But maybe there was something in her personality that lent itself to choosing an unusual path.

Then there was him, the man who had presented all of this to her.

Krystal had been unsure, but he had assured her of all they could have. 

He was well off- could take care of her. They'd live in his manor, together until the end of time.

There were so many aspects of what she was entering into that she couldn't even begin to comprehend, so she had to trust. And she did.

She wouldn't have been riding deeper and deeper into the woods in the middle of the night, all alone and freezing in the late November air, if she didn't. 

Finally, when the sun was starting to peek through the gaps in the dense branches, the large stone manor came up to view. With the pale morning light against the grey walls, it almost looked ghostly.

But it was no apparition. It stood solid before her as she rode up cautiously on her horse. She had the brief worry that she could have somehow ended up in the wrong place. What if this was all a ruse and she'd just spent eight hours on horseback, riding to an abandoned manor?

Those fears were assuaged, however, when the front door opened to reveal a woman in a plain dress like servants wore. 

She was a girl, really, Krystal observed as she clattered down the stone steps.

“You must be Krystal,” she said with a smile, holding out a hand to help Krystal off her horse.

Her joints were stiff from riding so long as well as the cold, and Krystal winced when she got onto the ground. 

“I will take your horse to the stable,” she told her. She couldn’t have been over nineteen. “You can go ahead inside.”

Despite the chill that had long ago permeated her bones and her need to lay down and sleep, Krystal hesitated.

This was it. The beginning of the rest of her life. 

What if it wasn't everything she thought it would be?

No, she couldn't think like that. It had to be. She'd made her decision, and now she was here to see it through.

With a nod of thanks to the girl, Krystal walked up the stairs to the front door of the manor on shaky legs. 

The double doors loomed before her, giant and imposing. Krystal slowly brought her hand to the brass knob and pushed.

For some reason, she’d half expected the doors to be locked, but they creaked open and allowed her entrance. 

The first thing she noticed was how dark it was inside.

Despite the sun rising, as soon as the doors closed behind her, Krystal felt as though it was the witching hour again. There were lanterns lit in the foyer so it wasn’t as though she was trying to see into pitch darkness, but it was far from bright. Heavy curtains covered every window in sight, effectively blocking out even the tiniest sliver of sunlight. 

A vampire lived here, Krystal reminded herself. She didn’t know why she’d expected anything else. 

But somehow, in her mind, she’d imagined her new home filled with warmth and light- the sun streaming in as she and her love shared their days together. 

Those had been silly thoughts.

Surely, this would feel like home to her soon.

“Krystal.”

It was said so softly, as though the one uttering her name was afraid that she was a figment of their imagination, but it rang loudly in the silent room.

Krystal felt the trepidation start to fall away as a familiar warmth suffused her.

She turned.

“Joonmyun.”

Just the presence of the man who had captured her heart made Krystal forget all of her worries. She was so glad she was there. 

“You are really here,” he marveled, handsome face pulled into a disbelieving smile.

Krystal felt like the rest of the world was melting away around them.

“I am,” she confirmed, almost squirming with happiness as Joonmyun made his way toward her.

“You look beautiful,” he told her, fingertips running down the side of her face. “May I kiss you?”

They’d never kissed before, always under the surveillance of her parents or a servant. 

Krystal nodded, breath catching.

Joonmyun’s lips weren’t cold like she’d feared. They were smooth, almost to the point of feeling inhuman, but they were soft- not warm, but also definitely not cold.

Krystal felt herself melting into the kiss, room spinning and head feeling fuzzy.

“I am sorry,” Joonmyun said, pulling back. “You must be exhausted.”

She was, but Krystal almost chased Joonmyun’s mouth when he stepped back. The feeling of kissing him had been so heady, and such a comfort after riding alone for many hours.

“Let me show you to your room,” he offered, taking her hand and leading her up the grand staircase. “When Yerim returns from the stable, she will fix you something to eat and drink.”

Krystal nodded, obediently following Joonmyun as he led her down the hall, almost numb with exhaustion and emotion.

When Joonmyun opened the door to her room, Krystal was amazed. Though still dark like the rest of the house, it was lavishly decorated in the finest of silks that shone in the light from the fire that burned in the hearth. It was beautiful, nicer even than her room at home had been.

“I had it prepared especially for you,” Joonmyun told her, seeming to be able to sense her awe. 

“Thank you,” Krystal murmured, unsure of what else to say as she stepped inside. 

Joonmyun shook his head, eyes warm and smiling.

“Just rest here, and Yerim will be in soon,” he urged, leading her to the bed and helping her to remove her shoes.

Krystal was going to ask him to stay, not wanting to be alone now that she’d finally made it to him.

But as soon as she sank back against the lush bedding, exhaustion started to take over- shadows from the flickering fire against the ceiling the last thing she saw before she slipped into sleep.

 

\---

 

Krystal awoke with the covers pulled over her and some bread and cheese at her bedside.

It took a moment for her to remember where she was and for the instinctive unease to settle.

“Awake?” she heard from her left, and she turned.

Joonmyun was seated in a nice, upholstered chair at the side of her bed, looking as impeccably groomed as always. Self consciously, Krystal reached up to try to smooth down the mess her hair had become while she'd slept.

“You look stunning,” Joonmyun assured her, hand on her wrist to keep her from fussing with her appearance.

Krystal blushed.

“Eat,” he urged. “You must be famished from your travel.”

She was, though nerves were keeping her from registering her hunger.

Still, she picked up a slice of bread and nibbled on it until her appetite caught on, allowing her to easily finish off the rest of the food that had been brought to her.

“Do you want more?” Joonmyun offered, and Krystal shook her head.

“How long did I sleep?” she asked, still feeling disconcertingly out of it and unable to tell anything about the time of the day since the windows in her room were as effectively blocked off as the ones in the rest of the house.

“Nearly twelve hours,” Joonmyun told her, and Krystal gaped.

“I am sorry. I did not mean t-” she started, flushing. She hadn't meant to show up and pass out for the entire day.

Joonmyun was hushing her, a fond smile playing on his features. “You had ridden all night. You needed the rest.”

Krystal couldn't think of an argument against that, though she still felt a bit embarrassed.

“I will call Yerim to run you a bath,” Joonmyun told her, a reassuring hand on her shoulder as he rose to his feet. “Afterwards, we shall be able to relax and talk together. Does that sound good?”

It really did. Krystal was still feeling so out of sorts that she could barely even converse with Joonmyun. Being able to just decompress with him by her side sounded comforting. Maybe it would make the large, unfamiliar manor start to feel like home.

When she was delivered to the sitting room attached to Joonmyun’s bedroom, she was feeling better with freshly scrubbed skin and hair free of dirt from her travels. Joonmyun's welcoming smile when she sat down on the brocade settee next to him enhancing her mood further.

“How are you feeling?” he asked, seeming genuinely concerned about her answer.

Krystal was reminded, again, of why he'd stood out so much to her amidst the other men who had shown interest in her.

“I am well,” she told him honestly, a grin pulling across her face despite all the upheaval she’d put herself through in the past couple of days.

“I am glad. Was your journey very arduous?”

Krystal shook her head. “It was cold and it took more time than I had expected. I worried that I had maybe done a poor job of following your directions, at some points. But it was not too difficult.”

“And you are feeling well rested?” Joonmyun prompted, eyebrows sloped up almost impossibly.

“I am,” Krystal confirmed. “Thank you for your hospitality.”

She was wondering what it would be like to kiss him when she didn't feel like she was in a fog of exhaustion and over stimulation.

Joonmyun looked almost scandalized that she had thanked him.

“Of course! This if your home too, now. Yerim is here if you need her for anything. I am, as well.”

It was still surreal hear him say this was her home. She knew...she imagined it would take time before it sunk in.

His assurances also reminded her of a question she'd wanted to ask.

“Is Yerim...a vampire?”

She had come outside to meet Krystal, but to live with Joonmyun in all this darkness...she had to know his secret at the very least.

“She is,” he confirmed. “I found her in the woods, almost frozen to death one winter. She had gotten lost, apparently. I turned her and took her in. I just could not leave her, poor thing. She was only sixteen.”

“But she came outside, in the dawn’s light…”

“Young vampires can handle sunlight in small doses,” he explained. “I only turned her thirteen years ago, so the dawn and dusk are no issue for her. Once she gets to be my age, however, even a full moon can cause a bit of discomfort.”

Krystal hadn't expected there to be a second vampire in Joonmyun’s home. There was a small part of her that wondered about Joonmyun’s relationship with Yerim- if they had ever been involved romantically- but she pushed it aside. It was silly to be jealous when there was no evidence to suggest anything beyond friendly relations between them.

“If you have any questions about being turned, I am sure Yerim would be happy to answer them for you,” Joonmyun told her, but Krystal shook her head.

She had questions, sure, but she didn't want to seem like she was afraid. Her mind was made up, and nothing anyone said was going to make much of a difference.

“You can take as much time to settle in as you would like,” Joonmyun went on, scooting a little closer to run a comforting hand along her shoulder. “You may let me know when you want to be turned. It might be best to get it over with, but know that there is no rush.”

Krystal appreciated his understanding, but she, too, thought it best to get it done quickly. Besides, she was eager to start her new life. 

Every day that she spent as a human was a day spent in limbo. She was here. She wanted to commit to her choice.

“I am glad I am here,” she confessed, watching as Joonmyun’s face split into a smile that rivaled the one he'd given her when she'd arrived. His genuine happiness at her presence gave her the courage to tentatively press her lips to his.

Krystal had shared a few kisses with boys her age when she'd managed to get out from under her parents’ watchful eyes, but they were quick and unskilled on both parts.

It was obvious that Joonmyun knew what he was doing from the way he carefully cradled her head and kept the kiss soft with little brushes of lips that had her squirming and then gasping when he gently sucked her lower lip into his mouth. 

Krystal moved into him, allowing the breach of her lips with his tongue. He was as smooth as he was gentle, and Krystal couldn't help but melt into him- humming in contentment as his fingers slipped through the damp strands of her hair.

When Krystal felt herself start to yearn for more, Joonmyun pulled back and ran his thumb along her jaw as he seemed to study her.

“Do you want to know what it is like to be fed from?” he asked, fingertips against her neck making her shiver and nearly whine. 

She had thought about it, it was true. When he had first confessed his secret to her in the gardens at her family’s home, she hadn’t been able to help conjuring images of him sucking the blood from someone’s neck, from _her_ neck, just like she’s read about in stories. 

What would it feel like? Would it hurt?

Krystal was curious simply because she had no point of reference. 

There was also the fact that the images in her mind had sometimes taken a more intimate turn and had her thinking about Joonmyun’s lips against her skin and his hands on her waist…

Additionally, if she were to become a vampire, which she was determined to do, she would have to feed from people, wouldn’t she? Surely being fed from would be an informative experience, at the very least.

“You do not have to,” Joonmyun told her gently, the pad of his thumb brushing against her lower lip. “But do not be scared. I have been told time and time again that it does not hurt. Some even say that they find it...pleasurable.”

Somehow, just that word rolling off his lips when he was so close had Krystal shivering with want. 

“I am not scared,” she told him, even though he didn’t appear to believe she was a coward. “And I am curious.”

Joonmyun’s lips curved up. “Then I will bite you, but I will not take much. Tell me if you become uncomfortable.”

Krystal nodded, pulse quickening as Joonmyun slid even closer and pulled her to him so his lips were hovering against the side of her neck. 

One moment, it was just the brush of his lips against her skin, and the next, she felt the sharp tips of his teeth puncture her flesh.

Though her brain almost wanted to register it as pain since it was clear that her skin had been broken, it didn’t hurt. Instead, it was momentary shock followed by a pull deep inside her that echoed the way Joonmyun was drawing out her blood with his mouth. 

Fingers clutching at Joonmyun’s shoulders, she let out a shuddering breath, eyes closing and brows pinching at how good it felt. But before she could luxuriate in the feeling, he had moved back, leaving Krystal feeling cold and desperate for more contact. 

Blinking her eyes open, she instinctively reached up to touch her neck. 

Nothing.

It was as if he hadn’t even bitten her were it not for the tinge of red on his lips.

“It was alright?” he asked, eyes seeming darker than before, but his tone calm and even- a stark contrast to the unbalance Krystal felt inside at the lose of contact between them.

Krystal nodded hastily, wanting to move into him for more, something, anything.

“It has left you wanting?” he observed, gaze startling clear as he watched her face. 

“Yes,” she confirmed, voice more unsteady than she had expected. 

“Would you allow me to help you?” he asked, eyes betraying his own desires.

Krystal had been under the supervision of her parents until the night previous, so she had not yet had the opportunity to lie with a man. She thought it likely that she would experience it when she was wedded, though that didn’t mean that she knew nothing of what it entailed. 

Her older sister had been married two years prior, and she had divulged all of the details to Krystal when they’d had the opportunity to visit shortly after the wedding. It had been a much more comprehensive discussion than the brief one she had had with her mother when she had come of age. 

Krystal may have never experienced it, but she knew of what Joonmyun was referring. 

She also knew that it was stimulation of the very sort that her body was begging for. 

“Please,” she said before she could think to sound more composed than she was feeling. 

Joonmyun kissed her, lips insistent and just the slightest bit coppery tasting.

“Trust me,” he said, cupping her cheeks almost reverently. 

But Krystal was already straining forward for another kiss.

He indulged her for a moment, stroking through her hair, along her neck, down her back, but then he pulled back.

“Let us move to the bed,” he requested, scooping her up with surprising ease and walking her to the next room to carefully deposit her on the most luxurious looking bed Krystal had ever seen. 

The headboard was ornately carved mahogany and it reached almost to the ceiling. The bed was covered in silk, much like her own, but the way the deep red gleamed in the firelight made it look even richer. The bed itself must have been over eight feet across, yet it still didn’t take up even half of the grand room.

But for as unbelievably regal the surroundings were, Krystal was more focused on the man hovering over her- eyes dark, lips red, and body covering hers. 

When his lips met hers again, Krystal could feel the intent there. This wasn’t idle kissing, and she could feel her own want pulsing as Joonmyun’s tongue traced against hers. 

It was easy to let him remove her dressing gown and slide his hands underneath the silk chemise that Yerim had given her to wear after her bath. Her skin prickled with sensitivity, goose bumps rising when the cool air of the room hit her bare flesh, but the distant heat of the fire and her own need were enough to keep her warm.

With the fabric of her nightgown bunched at the tops of her thighs, Joonmyun sat back to begin to remove his own clothing- shedding his vest, breeches, and unbuttoning his shirt.

Krystal watched with fascination as each clothing piece fell to the ground and Joonmyun was left in just his drawers, skin ghostly pale in the firelight. 

The smooth slide of his skin against hers made Krystal gasp as Joonmyun was once again above her, lips pressing against her neck with no intention to bite, this time. Idly, Krystal wondered how different it would feel to have the warm skin of a man touching her instead of the room temperature caress of this man- this vampire.

However, a thought like that was difficult to hold onto when Joonmyun’s hands massaged over her breasts and had her shivering as she felt his hardness against her thigh through the linen of his drawers. 

Joonmyun’s hands skated over her hips and pushed her chemise up her body- the silk making her stomach jump when it trailed along the sensitive skin there. Completely bared, Krystal felt as though she should have felt self conscious, but she did not. Instead she just ached, watching as Joonmyun untied his drawers and stepped out of them, leaving him just as naked as she was. 

“Would you like to get under the covers?” he asked, skin almost seeming to glow in the dim light and body clearly ready for her.

Krystal shook her head, need throbbing and radiating through her. She needed him and she didn't want to wait.

Joonmyun seemed to understand, seemed to sense the way her body was begging, because he was between her legs in the next second, smooth skin of his chest dragging against her breasts and making her gasp.

His fingers against her core had Krystal crying out in surprise, hips angling up toward his hand in a quest for more contact.

In a smooth and careful motion, Joonmyun slid a finger inside of her followed shortly by a second. The feeling was foreign, but Krystal was relieved to find that it wasn’t painful. She knew it was not uncommon for women to bleed their first time, but she felt pleasure when she clutched around his fingers, body adjusting when he added a third.

“Are you ready for me?” Joonmyun softly questioned her, eyes a mix of deep desire and concern when Krystal met his inquisitive gaze. 

“Yes,” she gasped, a pulse of want emanating through her as the movement of his fingers as he extracted them from her body.

Brows furrowed in concentration, Joonmyun knelt between Krystal’s spread legs and reached between them to guide his shaft into her body.

Krystal nearly held her breath as he entered her, her fingers gripping his shoulders tightly until his hipbones met the backs of her thighs.

“How do you feel?” he asked, the look in his eyes a little wilder, a little more desperate, than before.

“Good,” Krystal puffed, feeling out of breath even though they had barely begun. 

“Tell me if you feel uncomfortable,” Joonmyun requested seriously, leaning down to kiss her soundly before his hips pulled back.

The first press back in had Krystal gasping despite the slow and measured movement. However, with the proof that she was not in pain, Joonmyun’s thrusts became more powerful, and Krystal grasped onto the silk as she was rocked with the motion of their bodies. 

Joonmyun’s face was scrunched up with his enjoyment, and Krystal could feel the way the pleasurable tension in her was being stoked with every slide of Joonymun’s length into her body.

Hands grappling against his shoulders, Krystal tilted her pelvis up to get more...to get more…

Krystal felt like the world exploded around her as she went rigid against the plush mattress- body clenching, pulse racing, and ears ringing.

Joonmyun drove into her as she rode the wave of euphoria, shuddering over her once the room was starting to come back into focus for her, though the sharp, staccato jolts of his hips as he, too, found his end had Krystal’s breath hitching. 

The silk against her back felt even smoother, the room seemed even more opulent, and Joonmyun, himself, seemed to be nearly glowing when Krystal got her bearings. 

“Was it enjoyable?” Joonmyun asked, looking as impeccably put together as he always did, though he was still completely bare. 

Krystal almost wanted to laugh at the absurdity of the question because _of course_ it had been, and her lax form sprawled across the bed was proof of that. 

Joonmyun’s eyes were smiling when he looked at her, so she suspected that he knew. 

She returned the smile as Joonmyun helped her sit up, bending to kiss her chastely. 

Chest warm, body singing, and contentedness filling her mind, Krystal knew what she wanted to do.

“Turn me,” she gusted against Joonmyun’s lips, arms hooked around the back of his neck. 

Joonmyun pulled back a few inches to look at her. 

“Are you certain? We do not have to do it tonight. We can-”

“I am sure,” Krystal interrupted him, pressing a bold kiss to his lips.

After a moment of studying her, Joonmyun nodded.

“Let us go back to your room, then,” he said, and Krystal agreed, allowing Joonmyun to help her re-dress in the chemise and dressing gown that she’d been wearing when she came in.

Once he had covered himself adequately with his own damask dressing gown, he led her through the chilled hall to her bedroom, which blessedly was lit and warmed by a fire in the hearth.

Joonmyun guided her to her bed, urging her to climb under the covers and prop herself up against the pillows. Krystal felt a slight tendril of anxiety work its way through her. She had no idea how this was even done. Perhaps she should have asked to speak to Yerim after all. But it was too late now. She wasn't going to back out when she was on the cusp of taking this final step.

“It is likely that you will fall asleep afterwards,” Joonmyun explained, sitting on the edge of the bed and smoothing a hand over the blankets that covered her legs.

As she readied herself to ask what she was to do, Joonmyun brought his own wrist to his mouth and sunk his sharp incisors into the flesh.

Dark blood pearled at the puncture wounds immediately, and Krystal was taken by how...inhuman it looked.

It made her think of pricking her finger with a sewing needle when she'd first been learning how to sew. Her blood had stained the white cloth she'd been embroidering bright red- such a prominent stain for so little blood.

But Joonmyun’s blood...it wouldn't turn the white fabric of Krystal’s chemise red. Maybe more of a burgundy, as there was still a slight red hue to the liquid. But in dim lighting, Krystal was sure it would have appeared black.

Stomach swooping, Krystal realized that this was it. Perhaps a part of her had still been a little disbelieving of the whole thing. Even after being fed from, there was a tiny part of brain that held onto the reality that she'd always known- clinging to the belief that this was all an elaborate hoax.

The blood, though. That was proof that Krystal couldn't refute.

“You just have to swallow a little,” Joonmyun was saying, holding his wrist out to her.

Krystal wondered if she should request to wait a bit- think it over a bit more.

But her stubborn pride pushed that thought aside as soon as it had entered her consciousness. 

Bringing Joonmyun’s wrist up to her mouth, she gave the unusual looking droplets one more glance before she latched her lips around the wound and carefully sucked. 

It tasted of copper, but also...something else. Something deeper. Something she couldn’t identify.

That was her last thought before the darkness pulled her in.

 

\---

 

_Krystal was in the town she grew up in, stumbling down the cobblestoned main street with fear and urgency prickling at her neck. She had to...she had to get inside to safety. The wind at her back carried with it horrible, dreadful things. And the sky...it was a deep maroon, almost black. The moon and the stars were absent, and Krystal could barely see where she was going._

_She tried to go inside the shops, the homes, that she passed, but all the doors were closed and locked tight. Shutters covering all the windows, and Krystal wondered if there was anyone there at all._

_Home, if she could just get home._

_Trying to quicken her pace, she wheezed with exertion and frustration. No matter how hard she tried, she could go no faster than a walk. It was as though her feet were weighted, or there was strong wind that slowed her progress. It wasn’t wind, though. That, she knew. Because the wind was at her back, tickling against her neck, and promising awful things if she were to turn around._

_She was miles from her family’s home, but then she was there, standing in the foyer and trying to see past the darkness that surrounded her._

_The lanterns weren’t lit, no fire in the hearth of the sitting room, and the windows were all covered by thick, black curtains that didn’t let in even the smallest amount of light._

_A scream had Krystal’s feet moving despite not being able to see even a foot in front of her._

_Even though it was pitch dark, Krystal could see her mother, lying on the floor of the drawing room. Perhaps see was the wrong word, for she still could see nothing of her surroundings- not with her eyes. But she could_ feel _them. And she could feel the form of her mother on the ground, not far from where she was standing._

_Krystal tried to go to her, to warn of whatever evil was seeping in through the cracks under the doors, between the windowpanes._

_But she couldn’t move, couldn’t speak, couldn’t scream._

_She watched, felt, as her mother disappeared before her. One moment she was there, a solid, tangible mass on the floor. And then she was gone.  
Turning, Krystal fled the room as though the shadows there were alive with something that she could outrun._

_On unsteady legs, she tripped up the stairs and felt along the wall to her sister’s old bedroom._

_Her sister was there, she could feel it._

_She entered into the room, dread already curling through her._

_Still unable to see past the darkness, she could sense her sister on the bed. In her mind’s eye, she could see the way her sister’s skin was ashen and her eyes were open and unblinking- unnatural._

_Krystal tried to scream, whether to warn her sister or try to scare off whatever was there with them, she didn’t know, but regardless, no sound came from her throat but a choking breath._

_Fear and sorrow clutched at her body, nearly paralyzing her, as she was forced to feel the way her sister was disappearing too- the way her presence slowly dissolved into the air until there was nothing but Krystal and the dark._

_There were tears on her cheeks when she turned away and headed for her own bedroom, as though she could find safety and solace under the thick duvet like when she was a child afraid of monsters._

_But the difference was that these monsters were real and nothing could protect her now._

_With startling clarity, Krystal realized that she was no longer in her home. However, she was still in the dark. But this dark, though it looked the same to the eye, was thicker and deeper and stretched on for infinity. Before, where there were walls that broke up the shadows, there was nothing now. Just blackness in every direction._

_This time, Krystal didn’t even try to scream._

_Even as pure terror twisted through her at the white fingers that reached out to grab her, she didn’t try to make a sound._

_The flesh on the spindly digits was thin and stretched, and nearly seemed to glow as they permeated the darkness, getting closer and closer to Krystal with every shallow breath she tried to take._

_When they reached into her chest to seize her heart, she woke with a start._

 

\---

 

Krystal blinked to bring the ceiling into focus, shadows from the fire dancing across the surface and feeling ominous after her dreams. 

Though she was able to discern what the moving shadows were from and that she had only been dreaming, it took a moment for Krystal to remember where she was. For a very brief moment, she felt as though she was in her bedroom at home, at her family’s home. She thought she would be able to rise, dress, and find her mother in the sitting room with a cup of tea. 

That illusion didn’t last long. 

Before she even cast her gaze around the room she was in, the past few days came rushing back.

She could no longer call her family’s estate _home_. Rather, her home was here, in a still unfamiliar manor with a man- with a vampire. 

And she...she, too, was a-

“Awake?” came from her right in a familiar voice, though not so familiar as her mother or sister or father. 

Turning her head against the pillow, Krystal looked over to see Joonmyun sitting in the same chair by her bedside that he had been in after her first night.  
Though she still had some trouble thinking of this place as home, she was comforted by Joonmyun’s presence. He was smiling kindly at her as he set a leather book aside, scooting forward to take her hand in his.

His skin almost felt warm to her. 

It took a moment to realize that it wasn’t that his skin was warm, but that hers wasn’t either. The warmth was as illusion.

Scrambling to sit up to reassess, Krystal found that her whole being felt...sore. Not that she was in pain, but it felt like her entire body had just finished healing from some trauma that left the ghost of an ache in its wake. 

“Am I…?”

Joonmyun nodded.

Krystal didn’t know what to make of what she was feeling. 

Despite her awareness of her whole being, she felt almost like a stranger in her body. 

A look down at herself confirmed that it _was_ her body- the same body she’d been inhabiting for the last 22 years- but there was undoubtedly something off. 

It took her a moment to realize it, but her heart wasn’t beating at a constant thrum like she was used to. Concerned by the stillness in her chest, Krystal started counting in her head until she felt it beat again. It seemed to give one steady beat every minute or so.

She felt...well enough, but it was still disconcerting. 

“My heart,” she tried, not knowing what to say. “It is…”

Joonmyun nodded like he knew what she meant.

He reached over and placed a hand against her chest, keeping his palm flush against her skin until her heart gave a thud nearly a minute later. 

It was during that interim when Krystal realized that her breathing was strange as well. She found that she didn’t have to bring oxygen into her lungs every few seconds. Instead, she felt the urge to inhale and exhale only every few minutes. 

“It seems as though your body is working as it should,” he told her, taking his time to pull his hand back. “I suppose it _did_ take some time to get used to, initially. But it has been so long, I can no longer remember what it used to be like.”

Krystal couldn't decide whether her chest felt hollow with the stillness or too heavy with the stationary organs. 

“Do you feel alright?” Joonmyun pressed. “You have no pain?”

Pain, no.

Krystal shook her head. “I just feel peculiar.”

“It will take some time, but you should begin to feel normal again.”

Anything could become normal, Krystal thought, if given enough time.

“When you were turned,” Krystal started, mind still half in dark depths of her nightmares, “Did you have dreams?”

“Dreams?” Joonmyun asked, eyebrows jumping before furrowing in thought. “Perhaps? It has been so long, I do not remember.”

Krystal knew that Joonmyun had been a vampire for a significant period of time. She knew he was powerful among others like him. But it occurred to her that she had never thought to ask him how old he truly was.

“How long ago?” she wondered aloud, hoping to shake the dregs of fear that still clung to her, even after waking

“Well, let me think,” he said, squeezing Krystal’s hand like he knew she was seeking comfort. “I was born in 1228, and turned when I was 25, so...it has been over five hundred years now.”

Krystal was speechless. She had imagined him to be one hundred years old. Maybe two hundred. But five hundred…

“I am ancient, I suppose,” Joonmyun observed, eyes laughing.

Letting out a surprised laugh at the proclamation, Krystal felt some of her tension abate.

“Whom were you turned by?”

Joonmyun’s jovial expression vanished and his open gaze shuttered.

“As I said, it was a long time ago,” he told her, somewhat stilted. “I remember very little about that time.”

Krystal wasn't sure whether or not he was telling the truth, but she thought it best not to pry.

“Enough about me,” Joonmyun went on before Krystal could apologize. “Is there anything you need?”

“I suppose I do not need food,” Krystal said after a moment’s pause.

“No, you will not require food of that nature anymore,” Joonmyun confirmed. “In a day or two, your body will start to hunger for human blood. Yerim or I will bring someone here for your to feed from, so you do not need to worry.”

Feeding from a human and consuming blood gave Krystal plenty to feel anxious about, but she decided to push those fears aside for the time being. Presently, she had quite enough to get used to.

“For now, it is most important for you to rest. Your body cannot sleep as it did, but to relax as though you are will be good for you right now,” Joonmyun told her, stroking through her hair as he helped her relax against the pillows again. “Your body has been through a lot.”

Letting herself close her eyes, Krystal thought that her mind could use the rest as well.

 

\---

 

Krystal’s hands shook as she waited in the sitting room attached to Joonmyun’s bedroom, though whether it was caused by hunger or anxiety, she didn’t know. 

The day previous had been more resting and getting used to the way she felt in her own skin. She still felt a little off kilter, but she was certainly less out of sorts than she had been when she’d first woken up after being turned. 

That morning, or evening, or night, or _whenever_ , Krystal had noticed a new sensation that was unlike anything she had felt as a human. It was also a feeling that hadn’t been present when she had first been turned. 

Trying to put words to the unease floating through her, Krystal was fairly certain that she had failed. But nonetheless, Joonmyun immediately knew what was afflicting her. 

“It is time for you to feed,” he had told her, and Krystal felt like the floor had dropped out from underneath her.

She had known it was something she would have to do at some point, of course. But to actually be faced with the reality...she wasn’t sure that anything could have truly prepared her.

 _It is not unpleasant_ , Krystal reminded herself as she paced across the shiny wood floor, unaware of the chill in the air since the fire had started to die down. _I will not have to hurt anyone._

There was nothing to fear, she knew. As long as she didn’t take too much blood, she would do no harm to the human. And she could even attest that it wouldn’t hurt. Furthermore, Joonmyun would be there to guide her through the process- tell her when to stop, teach her how to make the human forget. 

And yet Krystal felt a gnawing inside of her that wouldn’t quiet, almost stronger than the strange, gaping void she felt that she had been told was hunger. 

After feeding, would she begin to feel more like herself? Less?

A knock at the door and Krystal startled, calling out a weak _come in_.

Joonmyun entered, smiling at her comfortingly and leading in a young man. He looked about her age, but Krystal tried not to think too much about what his life might be like. She felt it would make the act of feeding from him even stranger.

She knew that Joonmyun must have used the lure he had spoken to her of- a way to delve into a human’s will and push them toward doing something that perhaps they would have discarded as a bad idea. The idea had to be in their mind first, he had explained, but vampires had the ability to steer them toward that little tickle of _what if_.

The man, however, didn't seem dazed like she might have expected. He was looking at her, waiting. Though she suspected he didn't really know what he was waiting for.

Had the smell of human blood, rushing just underneath the surface of this man’s paper thin skin, not had her moving forward on instinct she didn’t even know she had, she suspected that she would have given pause. But as it was, she was hungry- craving what this human had to offer- so she found herself in the man’s space before she could even think to hesitate. 

“Go ahead,” Joonmyun said softly, and Krystal could feel her incisors extending as she leaned forward and bit- teeth sinking into flesh like she’d been doing this her whole life. 

The man gasped and stilled, though didn’t seem to be uncomfortable. But Krystal barely even processed that- too caught up in the thick, metallic tasting liquid flowing into her mouth and down her throat. She’d tasted blood before, sucking on her finger when she pricked herself with a needle, but it had never tasted like this before- so rich, so heady, so-

Joonmyun’s hand on her shoulder, gently pulling her back had her aware of her surroundings again. Though she wished she could continue to feed, she wasn’t so overwhelmed that she didn’t realize why she needed to stop. 

Krystal stepped back, tongue darting out to catch the stray drops of blood on her lips.

“Lick over the bite to heal it,” Joonmyun reminded her, and Krystal did as she was told- marveling at the clean skin when she pulled away again.

The man blinked at her, confused. He didn’t appear upset, but Krystal suspected that Joonmyun was still using the lure to lead him to accept what was happening.

“Now,” Joonmyun said, hand reassuring on her shoulder, “I will teach you how to make him forget.”

Holding her wrist gently, Joonmyun lifted Krystal’s arm and placed her hand over the man’s eyes, lids closing beneath her palm. 

“Concentrate,” Joonmyun murmured against her ear. “Sink into his mind.”

It was such an abstract instruction. Krystal didn’t even know where to begin. But she focused on the man in front of her all the same, feeling an energy and trying her best to grasp onto it. 

At first it was like trying to capture a tendril of smoke curling through the air in the palm of her hand. But when she simply let it pull her in instead of trying to hold onto it, she felt the man’s thoughts enter her mind.

It wasn’t as though she could read his mind and know precisely what he was thinking. But she could feel the directions of his thoughts, certain events, emotions.

“Find yourself in his mind,” Joonmyun coached, pressed against her from behind. “Find me. Find Yerim.”

Once more, Krystal was at a loss for what to do, but when she thought of herself, Joonmyun, and Yerim, she felt her mind being drawn to a specific place within the man’s thoughts.

“Good,” Joonmyun praised. “Now take those memories and push them as far back as you can.”

Focused on the memories in question, Krystal tried to keep locked on them while pushing further into the recesses of the man’s mind. The further she pushed, the more fragmented and hazy the sensations she picked up were until she felt like she was nearly in a space of only a light, pulsing blur. 

“That is good,” Joonmyun told her. It occurred to Krystal that he must have been able to feel the memories, too, as she tucked them away. “Let go and retreat.”

Krystal withdrew herself from the memories and started to focus on the room around her, finding herself easily slipping out of the headspace of this human and back into the present moment- fire crackling, lush carpet beneath her feet, Joonmyun’s body pressed against her back. 

“Perfect,” Joonmyun murmured, a smile in his voice before he pressed a kiss to her cheek. “Wait here. I will lead the human to Yerim and she will make sure he gets back to the nearest village.”

Nodding, Krystal stood still as Joonmyun moved to lead the man away- shoes against the floor the only sound as they exited, leaving Krystal alone again.

Though satisfied, the hollow clawing at her insides abated, Krystal was exhausted. Knowing what it was to feed, how to locate a thought in another’s mind, how to hide it from them. It was a lot. Krystal felt as though she’d gained the knowledge of several lifetimes in the course of ten minutes. 

It was a relief, as well. Feeding wasn’t bad. It was enjoyable, like consuming a good meal or taking a long drink of water after an afternoon in the sun. She now had the knowledge of how to feed and then make sure she wasn’t found out. To know that she had the basic skills she needed to survive now was something that gave her peace, even though she continued to feel unbalanced. 

In good time, she assured herself, she would become accustomed to this life. It had been merely days- not enough time to acclimate to the changes that had consumed her.

When she closed her eyes and let her head rest against the back of the settee, footsteps had her sitting up abruptly.

Joonmyun, alone this time, smiled fondly at her startled expression.

“It is only me,” he assured her, settling in next to her and stroking along her arm. “How do you feel?”

“Better,” Krystal told him. “Tired.”

Joonmyun nodded in understanding.

“You do not feel…” he paused, “aroused?”

Krystal flushed, not having expected the question. She looked at Joonmyun who was studying her intently.

She shook her head. “No. Should I-?”

“No, no,” Joonmyun waved off the worry that she might have been lacking a typical reaction to feeding. “Sometimes feeding from a human can inspire want in us. But that is usually when the human is stimulated from the bite. The man you fed from seemed to merely feel nothing, so it is no surprise that you do not either.”

“And when you do?” Krystal pressed, unable to stop herself from thinking back to the night Joonmyun had fed from her and turned her. 

“It is not uncommon for a vampire to find pleasure with the human they have fed from,” Joonmyun admitted. “If the human is also wanting.”

“Is that what you do?” Krystal wanted to know. There was something uneasy in her chest as she realized that there was so much about this life that she didn’t know. There was so much about the man- vampire- in front of her that she did not know.

“I used to, yes,” Joonmyun said, gaze steady on hers. “But it is not something I have indulged in since I met you, nor is it something I intend to do in the future. It is not something I want now that you are here.”

It should have been a relief. She should have been comforted to know that Joonmyun only had eyes for her. But the revelation felt heavy on her shoulders- something she didn’t know if she had the strength to carry.

“If you should be left wanting after you feed, I will be here to give you what you need,” Joonmyun assured her, eyes dark and lips curving up just slightly.

It was a comfort, in many ways.

But Krystal couldn’t shake the weight of Joonmyun’s declaration. Even as he kissed her, something heavy weighed her down.

 

\---

 

Krystal did get used to feeding. She quickly became accustomed to the hollow feeling of hunger that went along with being a vampire and the stillness in her chest.

When she needed blood, she didn't hesitate to calm the jangling nerves of the human Yerim brought her, using what she came to call the lure to make sure they were relaxed as she sunk sharp incisors into the flesh of their neck.

Joonmyun had been there the first few times, to remind her to cease before the human lost too much blood and to guide her through the process of stowing the memories of the bite in the back of the human’s mind.

But as the weeks passed, Krystal found that she didn't need the assistance. In fact, Joonmyun’s hovering presence made it harder for her to concentrate to manipulate the human’s mind. 

Krystal began to feed alone, in her own room with the door shut and the fire crackling.

It was doing that that she found that keeping a hold on the human’s mind with the lure wasn’t always necessary. Many humans could be calmed with her words alone, consciously enjoying the sensations the bite inspired in them. That wasn’t always possible, but Krystal found that she much preferred to have the human fully lucid when she fed from them. If they enjoyed the bite without her influence, then she enjoyed feeding much more.

Often, the human she fed from became aroused and Krystal found herself influenced by their lust and left wanting as well.

It was those times that she sought out Joonmyun after Yerim had taken the human from her to make sure they got back to town, letting Joonmyun soothe the ache she’d been left with.

When Joonmyun was filling her over and over again, body giving hers what she needed, Krystal could feel that something was wrong.

It wasn’t that her heart wasn’t pounding like it had when she had been human. It wasn’t that she could still taste blood on her tongue. 

It had nothing to do with her body or what she had become. At least, she didn’t think it was.

Where she once felt love and affection filling her being for the man whom she had gifted her virginity and humanity, she felt a stale hollowness that crept up her throat as she spasmed around his length and found her release.

Joonmyun was as kind as ever, using the daylight hours to tell Krystal about his centuries of life and to help her explore his impressive collection of texts collected over hundreds of years.

Krystal was appreciative. 

But appreciative wasn’t the primary emotion she wanted to have toward Joonmyun. 

Where had the overwhelming love gone? The passion? The need to fill every crevice of her being with him?

It was all gone and Krystal didn’t know why.

Since the last time she had felt it had been right before he had turned her, Krystal had thought that perhaps the change in her body had thrown her off enough that she needed time to adapt before the feelings would return but…

It had been three months and Krystal felt no more for the man whose home she resided in than she did for Yerim, who turned out to be a sweet girl and good company.

But she felt no love for either, and while she didn’t expect to feel strongly for Yerim, she was distressed over her lack of emotion for Joonmyun.

As time went on and Krystal’s feelings remained absent, she found herself making excuses to spend her time alone. Being near Joonmyun only served to remind her of what she was missing.

It didn’t take long before the only time the two saw each other was when Krystal was left wanting after a feeding.

The act of finding her pleasure with Joonmyun was still enjoyable. He could still make her cry out as her body exploded in sensation. But the emptiness in her chest left her cold.

Even sharing that intimacy did nothing but taunt Krystal with what she ought to be feeling but was not.

Slowly, she stopped going to Joonmyun so much. Sometimes she would find release with him, and others, she found it by her own touch. Perhaps the pleasure wasn’t as great alone, but at least she wasn’t consumed with guilt, confusion, and sadness over what had somehow slipped through her fingers.

In another few months, Krystal stopped seeking Joonmyun out at all.

Sometimes they would pass in the hall and exchange pleasantries, the act seeming so positively ridiculous given the situation. But that was all. 

When a year had passed, Krystal was resigned to the fact that her feelings for Joonmyun were not going to come back. 

Something had happened between her drinking Joonmyun's blood and waking up as a vampire. Something had happened to change how Krystal felt and no amount of waiting around and hoping was going to make any difference.

It was good that vampires did not need sleep since she was sure she would have been lying awake at night otherwise, haunted by the fact that she had given up everything- her humanity, her life, her family- for a man, a vampire, whom she didn’t love.

 

\---

 

Licking the taste of iron from her lips, Krystal couldn't help but focus on the heat slithering through her and swirling in her gut.

The feeling of becoming aroused from feeding was not a foreign one. More often than not, the human she fed from was radiating want by the time she was done, and much of the time, Krystal found herself tempted to give in and seek the pleasure both she and the human were after.

Despite that, she never had. It felt wrong to be staying in Joonmyun's home under the guise of being his lover. Though she supposed that neither of them were under that impression anymore. Not when it had been a year and a half since she had felt any love for him, and eight months since they had engaged in a sexual act.

They were not lovers. They weren’t even friends. They were barely acquaintances even though they lived under the same roof.

Nonetheless, the guilt flared up whenever Krystal thought of lying with one of the humans that Yerim brought her to feed from.

Right then though, with the fair skinned, petite woman in front of her, doe eyes blown with lust, Krystal was having a harder time than she had ever had previously resisting.

People attracted to both women and men...Krystal had heard the whispers about such beings back when she had been a girl. The hushed rumors and scandalized expressions- they weren't speaking favorably of such people. 

At the time, as a human, Krystal hadn't wanted to be whispered about. So she had never really thought about the fact that she found herself staring after as many beautiful women as she did men.

But now...now Krystal was no longer an upstanding member of society, anyway. What did she have to lose?

Besides, she knew that being attracted to both men and women wasn’t frowned upon in the vampire community. Joonmyun had told her that he had slept with men and women that he fed from before he had met her.

He had also made sure to emphasize the fact that he hadn’t been with anyone since meeting Krystal. That had been months ago. Krystal didn’t know if he had started again. She didn’t much care.

At that moment, all she could think about was the want swimming in the dark eyes before her and the responding throb in her own body.

This woman was not being influenced by the lure at all. All of that desire for Krystal was genuine, and Krystal made a snap decision.

She was tired of sending a wanting human away and taking care of herself.

For once, she was going to do what her body was begging her to do.

It was so easy to lean forward and connect their mouths. After being without physical, or any, intimacy for so long and having to turn people away on top of that...Krystal couldn’t stop the way she gasped at the contact.

“What is your name?” she pulled back to ask, lips brushing the other woman's as she formed the words. She didn’t typically ask the names of the humans she fed from, but it felt important given what they were going to do. Especially considering the fact that Joonmyun had been her only partner previously. This felt like an important step.

“Irene,” the woman breathed, seeming as affected by the kiss as Krystal was. 

Kissing her again, Krystal started to guide Irene toward her bed, but pausing as they reached the edge.

“Do you want this?” she asked, needing to be sure. She didn’t want Irene to be doing this because she thought that her safety would be in danger if she didn’t. Krystal _had_ just finished feeding from her.

But Irene was already trying to pull her into another kiss. 

“Yes, _please_ ,” she breathed, reaching behind herself and tugging at the ties securing her dress.

That was pretty unmistakable. Krystal resolved to stop fretting, stepping around behind Irene and helping her to unfasten her dress and finally step out of it. 

Krystal was thankful that she had taken to feeding from humans in just a chemise and dressing gown as it took the two of them another minute or so to strip Irene of her undergarments as well. 

But after she had shed her own clothing, Krystal allowed Irene to pull her down on the bed so she was hovering over the other woman- amazed at all the porcelain skin that was bared for her to touch.

With a jolt, she realized that Irene would be the first human she ever slept with. Her first time with Joonmyun, _he_ had been a vampire. And now that her body remained neither hot nor cold, Irene’s skin felt like it was burning against her. 

It was all so heady, but Irene wasn’t giving her time to take it all in. Her warm hands slid around Krystal’s hips to her backside, fingers digging into the flesh, and pulled her firmly against her- catching her lips once more and swallowing Krystal’s gasp at the way it felt to be pressed so closely against Irene’s warmth. 

Their lips moved together, tongues tangling, as Krystal reached between them to cup Irene’s breast- rubbing her thumb against her nipple and feeling it harden from her touch.

Irene’s whine against her mouth had Krystal seeking to give her what she wanted and draw more sounds from her. So she dragged her fingers along the smooth skin of Irene’s belly and down between her thighs. 

The wet heat that awaited her had Krystal whimpering into the kiss at the same time Irene pulled back with a gasp.

“ _Oh_ , please,” Irene breathed, eyes like dark pools when she looked up at Krystal pleadingly. 

Krystal had never touched a woman like this before, but she was very familiar with her own body, so she did for Irene as she would have done for herself.

Her body was hot around Krystal’s fingers and Krystal muffled her own moans into Irene’s neck- sucking lightly at the skin and almost feeling like her own body was burning up in proximity. 

Dipping her head, Krystal mouthed at Irene’s breasts- nuzzling against their softness and flicking her tongue against a nipple. Irene’s whole body stiffened at the contact, muscles fluttering around Krystal’s fingers. 

Krystal did it again and felt the way Irene tightened around her digits, breath whooshing out of her as her back arched. 

“ _Oh_ ,” she gasped, whine edging its way out of her throat. “Oh, please. Oh, _oh_.”

Irene choked on a moan, hips held against Krystal’s hand, as she climaxed- muscles in her stomach jumping and legs starting to tremble as her release peaked and ebbed, going lax against the silk bedding and chest heaving as she fought to catch her breath.

The want that Krystal had felt from simply feeding from Irene had been nothing compared to how much was was feeling after helping Irene find her pleasure. 

As Irene came down from her peak, Krystal found herself wondering if she would be left to take care of herself yet again, but then Irene’s hands were tightening on the backs of her thighs and pulling up, forcing Krystal to move higher on the bed until her knees were pressed into the silk on either side of Irene’s head. 

Irene squeezed Krystal’s backside and pulled her hips down forcefully, her lips between Krystal’s thighs pulling a surprised moan from her throat. 

She had had Joonmyun’s mouth against her before, but not like this- not holding herself over him so surely it was hard to breathe-

“ _Ah_ ,” Krystal cried out, hands braced against the headboard so the ornately carved wood dug into her palms. 

Krystal had chalked up the dexterity of Joonmyun’s tongue to centuries of experience and even more partners, but Irene…

The tip of her tongue against Krystal was like a paintbrush against a canvas- sure strokes, skilled flicks, and swirling patterns until Krystal was shuddering above her and using all of her concentration not to drop her weight onto Irene’s face as she reached the pinnacle of her pleasure as well. 

Irene’s cheeks were flushed and her lips slick when Krystal settled herself next to her once more. 

Of course there had been no intimacy- she knew only Irene’s first name. The full feeling in her chest, the dizzying rush of feelings that she’d experienced the first time she had slept with Joonmyun...they were as absent now as they had been every subsequent time she had sought Joonmyun’s touch. But the difference was that she was not expected to feel anything beyond a carnal satisfaction. And that was freeing in ways she couldn’t have predicted.

Irene blinked sleepily at her, humming in contentment. 

It was time now.

Krystal placed her palm over Irene’s eyes as she had every other time she had fed from a human. The act of hiding her memories away was just as simple, though the ghost of pleasure echoed through Krystal’s mind as she pushed those memories into the recesses of Irene’s consciousness. 

She helped Irene re-dress, tying up her corset and leading her down the stairs to the entranceway. As was typical with a human who had had their memories hidden from them, Irene was somewhat dazed, like she’d come out of a long sleep. She could function and do menial, instinctual tasks, but it would be some time before she fully returned to herself, and when she did, she would have no memory of Krystal, what she was, or what they had done. 

Leaving Irene by the heavy double doors that led outside, Krystal made her way to the drawing room to find Yerim, settled in a plush chair by the fire with a book in her lap, as she often was. 

“The human is ready to be escorted back to the village from where she came,” Krystal told her, immediately struck with the look Yerim met her with when she glanced up.

“It sounded as though you had a good night,” she said, brows raised and lips looking to be fighting against a smirk as she got up from her chair.

Krystal froze. Having worked for Joonmyun for nearly fifteen years, she must have had some sort of loyalty to him. For her to know that Krystal, who was brought here to be his lover, had slept with someone else-

“I-,” Krystal began, but Yerim shook her head, a small smile on her lips. 

It was at times like this when Yerim’s true age shone through her eyes. Her visage may have been permanently sixteen, but Krystal could feel the maturity and experience of a woman older than herself in Yerim’s gaze.

“You do not need to explain yourself,” she said simply, retrieving her coat from where it had been draped across the back of the settee. “I understand how the bite can affect those we feed from, and how they, in turn, affect us. I am not naive to what usually occurs.”

That hadn’t been Krystal’s worry. Of course Yerim would be familiar with the want that resulted from a bite. Surely, she had partaken in her own carnal pursuits in the wake of a feeding. But Yerim wasn’t meant to be true to anyone. She wasn’t-

“You may do as you wish,” Yerim told her, picking up her fur muff to keep her hands warm in the frigid night air as she escorted Irene back home. “I hold no judgments.” 

Yerim placed a hand on Krystal's shoulder, almost feeling warm through her chemise from sitting near the fire, as she passed.

A weight she hadn’t realized she’d been carrying, one of many, dropped from her.

Of course it was a relief that Yerim, the only being Krystal spoke to with any regularity, didn’t think less of her for partaking as she had. But more than that, to hear her say that she could do as she wished…

Krystal had always been an independently minded person, the act of following the course society and her parents had chosen for her not something that had ever been comfortable.

It was that desire to break free from it all that had encouraged her choice when she decided to run away and allow Joonmyun to turn her. But from the moment she had stepped into his estate, she had been living, at least partially, in the way that she thought he wanted her to.

She had gone from being controlled by one set of rules to another. 

But what Yerim said was true. Krystal could do as she pleased. She was her own person and society had no hold on her anymore. Moreover, Joonmyun did not truly have the right to dictate how she behaved. It was true that he had never imposed any rules or limitations on her, but Krystal had been monitoring herself like he had.

No more, she decided, making her way back up the grand staircase after she heard the heavy thump of the doors closing. From then on, Krystal promised herself that she would live in the way she thought she ought to and do what she pleased. If that meant lying with another human after she fed from them, so be it. 

For lack of anywhere else to go, it was true she was stuck living with a man she did not love. Her family and friends from her former life were lost to her, too. 

But Krystal still had herself, her wits, her fighting spirit, and her fierce independence. 

With no one else to live for or please, she would live for herself. 

 

\---

 

Knees braced on either side of hips and body buzzing with satisfaction, Krystal placed her hand over the eyes of the man under her. Baek...ho? No. That wasn’t right. Baek… Krystal couldn’t remember anymore. But it didn't matter. In mere moments, he would walk out of her life and she would never see him again.

It's how it always was. 

Ten years...Krystal had been turned ten years ago. She had been in this manor for ten years, feeding from various humans- most of whom she had forgotten. It had been about eight and a half since she had begun indulging and seeking her pleasure with many of them.

Time meant little, now. When she looked in the intricately carved mirror in her bedroom, she looked the same as she had when she had first stepped foot into the room ten years prior. Time stretched out in front of her like an endless chasm and Krystal tried not to give it much thought.

The human began to re-dress as though on autopilot, not even looking over at her until she led him to the door of her room and opened it.

Stepping into the hall with the human following her, she could feel Joonmyun's presence to her right, as though he had come out of his room to see her leave. The stairs were to the left, so Krystal kept her gaze down, pretending she didn’t know he was there.

They rarely saw each other, and when they did, they almost never spoke. Sometimes it was a nod of acknowledgement. Sometimes it was nothing.

Krystal felt a mix of guilt, resentment, and sadness when she saw Joonmyun, or thought of him, so she avoided it.

Even so, it was like Joonmyun was a shadow hovering over her- usually in the theoretical sense, occasionally in the literal.

She supposed Joonmyun could have thrown her out. After all, she was taking up space in his home and taking up the time of his single servant. It was kind of him not to, though sometimes she thought maybe he wanted her to ruminate in the bleak atmosphere that blanketed the estate- suffering along with him.

Yerim was waiting by the doors when Krystal and the human made it downstairs. 

“Ready?” she asked, as though the human wasn’t going to follow her when she beckoned, leading him home.

“Thank you,” Krystal said, and Yerim shot her a small smile before she stepped into the night, heavy door closing with a bang behind her.

Typically, Krystal would retire to her room, but she didn't want to risk having to see Joonmyun when she went back up the stairs in case he was waiting for her.

Instead, went into the drawing where Yerim spent most of her free time, settling on the chair Yerim had probably just gotten up from. The book she had been reading, sitting on the side table with a scrap of fabric placed between the pages to keep her place, was one that Krystal had already read. 

The book she was reading, one that categorized different types of plants, was up in her bedroom. Truthfully, the information was a bit dry, but she had been through so many of the books by then that she was just eager for anything to pass the time. 

This was no way to exist, Krystal thought, staring into the dancing flames in the hearth until they blurred together in front of her eyes in a swirling mass- tiptoeing around to avoid another inhabitant of the manor and so desperate for entertainment that she knew about fern varieties than she had ever had any desire to know. 

She could not carry on this way.

But what was the alternative?

The alternative was a hazy unknown- something she could not plan for. She did not know what it meant to be a vampire in the outside world. She had never even been on her own when she had been human.

It was a risk, to leave, but it was one that Krystal was more and more sure that she was willing to take. The stone walls of the manor already felt more like a prison that kept her in than a barrier to keep the dangers out.

In two weeks, it would be her thirty second birthday. That is, if birthdays even held any meaning anymore since she no longer aged.

She could not spend another year here. Where she would go, she had no idea. But with the walls closing in, anywhere else sounded like a welcome reprieve. 

 

\---

 

For the first time in years, Krystal sought Joonmyun out. It was midday, so he was typically in his personal sitting room, reading whatever Yerim had most recently brought back.

As expected, he opened the door of his room when Krystal knocked.

His surprise at seeing Krystal standing there was evident in the jump of his brows and the parting of his lips. There was just the teeniest glimmer of hope in his eyes, like perhaps after ten years Krystal had decided that she was in love with him after all. 

“I need to speak with you,” she said, and Joonmyun nodded, stepping aside and beckoning her inside.

Krystal sat down on the settee she had sat on when Joonmyun had fed from her. It felt like another lifetime. In many ways, it was.

“What is troubling you?” he asked, as though their entire situation wasn’t troubling.

“I have put a lot of thought into it,” she began, steeling herself to be firm in case Joonmyun protested. “I have decided to set out on my own.”

Hurt flashed across Joonmyun's face and Krystal prepared herself for him to try to change her mind, but the hurt was quickly replaced by a look of resignation.

After years of nearly no communication, it made sense that her proclamation hadn’t caught him by surprise.

Joonmyun nodded slowly, sadly. “I have been expecting this day.”

What could she say to that? Krystal responded with a nod of her own.

“Where will you go?” Joonmyun asked, face schooled into a neutrally polite expression, though there was a slight draw to his brows that communicated his disappointment.

“I do not know,” she admitted, hoping Joonmyun would dismiss her soon. She was under no obligation to wait for his cue, but she couldn’t help the familiar guilt that she felt in regards to knowing that she was the reason for his unhappiness.

Joonmyun nodded again.

“I have already had Yerim set aside some funds for you, to aid you until you get on your feet,” Joonmyun told her earnestly, and Krystal found herself speechless.

She hadn't expected that.

“That is not-” she began, but Joonmyun was shaking his head.

“I insist,” he interrupted. “I do not want you going out on your own with nothing.”

Krystal wanted to argue- to tell him that it didn’t matter what he wanted because she was her own person and she would be fine. But she suspected it was an argument she would lose. Besides, having some money to pay for a place to stay for a bit before she figured out what she was going to do… That removed quite a bit of stress from her shoulders.

“Thank you,” Krystal settled on, and Joonmyun gave her a solemn nod- lips forming a small, sad smile after a moment.

“When will you go?” he asked.

“When night falls tomorrow,” she said, watching the pinch of Joonmyun's brows that he carefully smoothed out.

“Alright. I will let Yerim know.”

“I can tell her,” Krystal told him, and Joonmyun’s mouth settled into a straight line, as though that was going to be the one thing he allowed himself to be visibly perturbed by.

“Very well,” he finally allowed. “Either way, I will make sure she has everything prepared for you to leave.”

“Thank you.” 

She was grateful. For the money. For the...understanding. Or at least the fact that he wasn’t trying to make her stay. 

Joonmyun shifted and Krystal took that as her cue to leave, whether it was or not. 

There was nothing to really say, then. So she just bobbed her head in acknowledgment of him as she got up and walked past him to let herself out. 

Closing the door behind her, Krystal still felt the guilt of knowing that she had caused Joonmyun unhappiness and disappointment. But she was also flooded with relief. She was really going to be leaving. No more would these walls contain her. No longer would she feel the presence of Joonmyun hovering around every corner. 

Would Joonmyun really let her go so easily?

Only time would tell, but in the meantime, Krystal just had to wait and prepare to leave. 

Soon, this place would be only a memory.

 

\---

 

“I will miss you,” Yerim said to her, helping to affix the small case of Krystal’s things along with the promised funds from Joonmyun to the saddle of the horse Joonmyun insisted she take as well.

“I will miss you, too,” Krystal admitted. Yerim was the closest she had had to a friend in the past ten years- the only source of a comfortingly familiar face amidst the sea of strangers she fed from and the face she tried to avoid.

“Perhaps we will meet again someday,” Yerim suggested. “It seems reasonable that we will cross paths. We have an eternity, after all.”

Krystal smiled as Yerim chuckled, bringing her in for a hug.

“Good luck,” Yerim said, stepping back with a sad smile.

Joonmyun, who had been hovering in the shadow of the manor to keep out of the direct moonlight, moved forward as Yerim went to stand by the doors that led inside.

“It appears that this is it,” Joonmyun said, face grim.  
His jaw was tight, and Krystal wasn’t sure if it was his discomfort in the moonlight or his disappointment in her leaving that caused it. 

“It is,” Krystal replied, unsure of what else there was to say. 

“I wish you luck,” Joonmyun told her solemnly, the light of the moon reflecting off his alabaster skin. He was as striking as the day Krysta had first seen him, his eyes on her across the banquet hall. But she felt nothing now but a hollowness in her chest and a heaviness on her shoulders. “You are welcome back at any time.”

“Thank you,” Krystal said, wondering if she would miss him at all. His company might have been favorable had the guilt of falling out of love with him not gripped her tight when she was near him. The offer to return was comforting, in a way, but she doubted she would take him up on it. “And thank you for your hospitality.”

He had given her a place to stay, a way to acquire food, and any material item she might have needed. Krystal’s emotions regarding Joonmyun were not all pleasant, but she would not forget that. 

Joonmyun nodded, lips quirking sadly as he looked into her eyes.

“Be well,” he said, fingers reaching up to just barely graze her cheek. 

The touch was tender and unexpected. It had been years since they had had any physical contact. 

For a brief second, Krystal wondered if maybe she felt something, some emotion, in response to the touch, but realized that it was surprise and nothing more. 

Krystal nodded, the fear of setting off on her own suddenly seizing her. But she needed to go. Standing there in the dark with Joonmyun watching her every movement, she knew she needed to go. 

She turned and mounted her horse, the feeling familiar but strange since it had been so long since she had done it. When she had first arrived, she had gone for a few nighttime rides with her own horse, but as the years passed, it was as though she had forgotten that anything existed beyond the stone walls surrounding her. 

It was high time she remembered.

Krystal looked down at Joonmyun from her higher vantage point. His brows were furrowed and he looked delicate and small. She forcefully pushed her guilt down before she lost her nerve.

“Goodbye,” she said, feeling a little bit sad to be leaving Joonmyun, even though he was the reason she felt she must go.

“Goodbye,” Joonmyun echoed, voice thin on the cold breeze.

Krystal grabbed hold of the reins and steered her horse in the direction Yerim had told her to go- away from where she had come from all those years ago. 

The wind was frigid against her cheeks, though it hardly affected her now, and the moon was bright.

For the first time in her life, she was free.

 

\---

 

_2016_

 

“So?” Taemin asked as Krystal let herself into their penthouse an hour shy of sunrise. 

Knowing that Krystal had gone out looking for a meal and had been gone for hours, he was obviously looking for some hook up details. Over one hundred years spent travelling, investing, and living together, and Taemin still hounded her about her sex life like he hadn’t heard just about everything there was to hear by then. 

He always _had_ been a pervert.

“Nothing to report,” Krystal said lightly, stepping out of her heeled black boots and walking across polished wood to join Taemin in the living room.

“What do you mean _nothing to report_?” Taemin asked, looking at her quizzically from where he was sprawled on the chaise lounge- black jeans hugging his thin legs and a slice of skin showing where his shirt had ridden up. As usual, he looked like he was about ready to pose for a pornographic photoshoot. Imagining him trying to fit into society instead of living on the fringe and doing as he pleased was nearly laughable.

Krystal shrugged, sitting down in one of the stuffed, velvet chairs and throwing her legs over the arm. “I mean I have nothing to report. I’ll have to go back out tonight.”

Taemin frowned. “Since when do you ever fail at finding someone to feed from? And you don’t even use the lure. If it was really a tough night, you could just do that and you’re good. What happened?”

“I just wasn’t feeling it,” Krystal told him, picking at the chip in her nail polish instead of looking at Taemin. “I didn’t _fail_. I just didn’t come across anyone I wanted to feed from.”

That...wasn’t entirely true. That wasn’t true at all, actually. 

When she had arrived at the bar the night before, she had immediately zeroed in on a petite woman standing on the other side of the room with a group of people. Her burgundy hair shone in the low light, but her smile shone even brighter. Krystal had shrugged off a man who was offering to buy her a drink as she had made her way over to her. 

The woman’s name was Sunyoung and her eyes had sparkled as she’d talked to Krystal at the bar, the two of them ending up seated on bar stools all the way in the corner so that they could hear each other over the din of other conversations and the music being piped in through speakers in the ceiling. 

Krystal’s plan had been to suggest to Sunyoung that they head out to one of their places, but when she had finally looked at the time on her cell phone, it was past one am, and Sunyoung was in the middle of a story about the worst first date she’d ever been on. 

So instead of trying to steer Sunyoung in the direction of the exit or excusing herself to find an easy meal, Krystal had stuck around for another thirty minutes and then bid Sunyoung goodnight when the other woman had goggled at the time and said she needed to get home. 

The situation certainly wasn't usual, but Taemin's shock was a little much. It wasn't as though Krystal was losing her touch or was going to go hungry. She would just have to go out to another bar tonight. It really wasn't a big deal. 

"You're too picky," Taemin complained, like her having to go out again somehow inconvenienced him. "And you make things so hard for yourself. If you just used the lure-"

"If I used the lure, I would be just as lazy as you," Krystal finished for him, and Taemin stuck his tongue out- still immature enough for the gesture even though he was over one hundred years old. He truly hadn't changed at all. "Anyway, I'm going to go rest in my room. Let me know if you need anything."

Taemin waved her off, saying something about wanting to play video games later. Maybe she would take him up on that. Krystal generally found video games to be a waste of time, but it _was_ entertaining to beat him. And they could be kind of fun. Sometimes. 

After changing out of her fitted black pants and silk shirt, Krystal reclined back on her bed- happy to relax even though she didn't need to sleep as a vampire. Her room was dark as she picked up her phone and checked her email, the blackout curtains not giving away whether or not the sun had risen.

Krystal closed out of her email and looked at the contacts icon on her home screen.

Perhaps not feeding from Sunyoung, despite her initial intention to, wasn't entirely bizarre, but the fact that Krystal had agreed when Sunyoung had suggested they exchange numbers definitely _was_. 

What was she going to do with a human's phone number?

 _Nothing_ , she reminded herself, plugging her phone into the speakers on her bedside table to listen to something low key after all of the loud and upbeat music that had been playing at the bar. 

Krystal let her eyes close as a smoky voice crooned from the speakers. 

She should delete Sunyoung's number, she thought to herself- dragging her fingertips over the smooth cotton of her bed sheets. 

But she couldn't be bothered right then. And there was no harm in just _having_ it as long as she didn't try to contact her. 

Later, she decided, humming under her breath as the bridge of the song swelled and led into the chorus. Maybe later.

 

\---

 

_Hey it's Sunyoung from the other night :) Want to get lunch this weekend?_

Krystal stared at her phone. 

It was three days since she had met Sunyoung and handed over her number. She hadn't actually ended up deleting Sunyoung's number in that time, but it didn't matter because she wasn’t planning to get in contact with her.

All of that was moot now, though, because Sunyoung was reaching out to her.

The smart thing to do would be to ignore it. Or tell her no.

Krystal continued staring at the text until her phone screen went dark.

It had been so nice to have a real conversation with someone who wasn't Taemin or someone she was doing business with. There wasn’t usually time to really talk with the people she fed from, and she didn’t go out of her way to do so. There was no use in creating bonds with someone when she was going to wipe their memory of her existence. She didn’t bother seeking out any humans for companionship either because sooner or later, she would have to cut all ties lest they realize there was something off about her.

Somehow though, she couldn’t bring herself to delete Sunyoung's text. 

Lunch was a no-go because of the sun, but dinner…

Dinner wasn't some commitment. There was no harm in one dinner. Just an evening of reprieve from her regular routine. If she kept it to one dinner, indulged in good company just this once, there was nothing detrimental. 

_Dinner would be better._

Krystal hit send and forced herself not to fixate on what she was doing. It was just a one time thing.

The reply came moments later.

_Dinner works! How about Saturday?_

_8:00 okay?_

_Sure! There's a cute italian place a block away from the bar we met at. Does that sound good?_

Krystal didn’t need to ingest anything but blood, though it did her no harm to ingest small amounts of food or drink. She never did for her own enjoyment, but it was helpful was she was in a situation where she didn’t want to draw attention to herself and the fact that she was the only one not eating.

_Yes, that’s fine._

Why was she doing this, again?

_See you then :)_

Krystal stared at the smiley face that Sunyoung had sent. 

Just one dinner, she told herself. No harm would come of that. 

 

\---

 

“And this little girl absolutely refused to pose for anything,” Sunyoung said with a laugh, stabbing a piece of pasta with her fork. “So every picture of her is just her sprawled on the ground, looking miserable. They even ordered a huge canvas of one of them. I mean, if they want that hanging above their fireplace…”

Krystal chuckled, taking a small bite of her salad.

“Beggars can't be choosers,” Krystal observed and Sunyoung giggled.

“That is very apparent working at a family photo studio,” she said wryly.

Despite her misgivings and the internal scoldings she kept giving herself throughout the week, it was hard to regret meeting with Sunyoung for dinner. Just being able to converse freely with no particular aim felt like a vacation she hadn't known she'd needed.

From the moment she'd seen Sunyoung standing outside the restaurant, burgundy hair twisted up in a messy bun, skirt flared and rippling in the breeze around her thighs, and a bright grin directed at her, Krystal had felt her spirits lift more than they had in years. A change in routine was important. Especially because she had had hundreds if years of routine under her belt and stretched before her.

“You’re going to dinner with a human?” Taemin had disbelievingly exclaimed, gaping at her when she'd told him where she was going. 

She hadn’t even been planning in telling him at all because what did it matter? But when she’d been getting ready to leave hours earlier than she normally would have if she were going out to feed, he had pestered her about why until she gave in.

“Why?” he’d asked with a judgmental tilt of his mouth.

“Because having only you to talk to is exhausting,” she'd quipped, pleased when he'd started whining and pouting at her, claiming that he was a delight to talk to. At least he’d stopped bugging her about why she was going to dinner with Sunyoung. Because she didn’t really have a good reason except that she _wanted_ to.

“So, you said you...invest?” Sunyoung said, brows furrowed as she seemed to be trying to recall the bits and pieces they'd shared over drinks the previous weekend, some of their words being drowned out by the noise of the bar.

They hadn't been partaking in the normal get to know you conversations then- just jumping from story to story and spending a surprisingly long amount of time debating whether or not superhero movies were a waste of time (Krystal felt very strongly that they were, but Sunyoung's arguments in their favor were actually quite compelling).

“Yes,” Krystal confirmed, not wanting to get too in detail about how she earned a living. Not because it was illegal or anything, but because her success had taken more years that Sunyoung even thought she had been alive. “My friend and I...we’re partners. I do the research and make decisions and he schmoozes. It's...it pays the bills.” That was an understatement.

“That's really cool,” Sunyoung enthused, looking impressed. “So you’re your own boss?”

“Basically,” Krystal agreed, lips quirking at the envious look Sunyoung sent her.

“That's amazing,” she marvelled, and Krystal waved it off. Time to get off the subject.

“You said you were an art history minor in college?” Krystal asked, referring to a comment Sunyoung had made in passing before.

“Yeah!” Sunyoung confirmed, perking up immediately at the mention. “I thought about going for my masters in art history or art theory, but it seemed like most programs were emphasizing today’s artists instead of the history. My sweet spot, as it were, is actually Renaissance art, so that didn’t appeal to me.”

“Renaissance art is actually a bit before my time,” Krystal observed before catching herself and rephrasing. “My expertise is pretty much baroque to present day.”

Having lived through all of that, Krystal was certainly well-versed, especially since she had always had a particular interest in art. Even now, she and Taemin often bought pieces, both for investment purposes and their own enjoyment.

Sunyoung nodded enthusiastically.

“Renaissance art is what I focused on in undergrad, but the Renaissance through the romantic period is where my main interest lies. I like some twentieth century and twenty first century art as well, but I'm not as knowledgeable.”

“Who are some of your favorite artists?” Krystal asked, curious.

“Carvaggio, Albrecht Durer, Michaelangelo, Bronzino, Fragonard...oh, and as far as someone a bit more modern, Francis Bacon.”

Krystal had to bite her tongue against telling Sunyoung that she had a Bacon original hanging in her entryway.

Instead she said, “I have some Bacon prints up in my apartment.”

Sunyoung grinned. “I would, but my limited wall space is already taken up by lots of photography,” she laughed.

“Your own?” Krystal asked, intrigued.

“Some,” Sunyoung admitted with a self conscious shrug. “Mostly prints from my friends. The benefit of going to art school, I guess. Lots of artist friends and lots of free art.”

Krystal smiled. She wished she’d have the opportunity to see Sunyoung's work, but this had to be the last time

When Sunyoung mentioned getting together again at the end of dinner when they were loitering outside the restaurant, Krystal made a noncommittal sound as she accepted the hug Sunyoung offered.

They said their goodbyes, and as far as Krystal was concerned, that was the end. Spending time with Sunyoung had been thoroughly enjoyable, and had she been human, she certainly would have wanted to see her again.

But as it was, she couldn’t, and that was that.

 

\---

 

That was not that.

When Sunyoung had texted her on Wednesday afternoon and suggested they go out to drinks that night, Krystal found herself agreeing. The sun would have set already, so it was convenient. At least, that's how she justified it to herself.

The following three meetings were justified in similar ways.

She knew she shouldn't be doing what she was doing. It was only a matter of time before Sunyoung realized there was something off about her. Whether from the fact that she refused to meet during the day or from the way she never ate much when they went to dinner. Every meeting with Sunyoung risked Sunyoung asking something that Krystal couldn't answer. Every meeting was a risk.

Somewhat less risky had it not been in conjunction with seeing Sunyoung in person was the fact that they had started to text frequently. Sunyoung would share entertaining or frustrating tidbits about her job or day, and Krystal sent along artists she thought Sunyoung might like, since she didn't really have day to day experiences that she could share.

When Sunyoung had first contacted her after their initial meeting, Krystal hadn't known whether it was friendship she was after or something more. She had known there was initial attraction, that much she could sense, but she didn’t know what Sunyoung’s endgame was. Now, after multiple meetings and a lot of texting, Krystal was sure Sunyoung was interested in a way that wasn't strictly platonic.

Of course Krystal had been attracted to her from the moment she saw her across the bar; she had approached her with the intention of feeding from and possibly sleeping with her. But now, it was obviously too late for that. Feeding from someone familiar greatly increased the chances they would remember, even if their memories of the bite were hidden from them. Krystal had been warned when she was a young vampire, so she had never done so. And she wasn’t about to start testing her luck now.

She supposed she could have fed from Sunyoung without sleeping with her, but that somehow felt even more dishonest than feeding from someone who assumed they were bringing Krystal back to their place for sex. If Sunyoung wanted something serious, Krystal shouldn’t give her the idea that that was possible. 

Besides, she’d never actually had sex with someone without feeding from them first, aside from when she was human, right before she had been turned. And then there were the couple of times she and Taemin had had sex out of boredom- something she told Taemin she would only think was a good idea every fifty years or so. 

Feeding from Sunyoung was out of the question. So was sex. 

Keeping up contact with her should have been as well, but…

Krystal couldn’t remember smiling so much. It had been years. It had been- Krystal didn’t even want to think about just how many it had been.

To hear her phone chime and to have a text from Sunyoung about a baby she waved at on the train was nice. It was more than nice. And Krystal didn’t want to let this fleeting indulgence go so soon. 

It was selfish, but surely she could enjoy Sunyoung’s friendship for just a little longer.

And then she’d go back to her regular life, of closed drapes, nameless fucks, and years passing by her like weeks. 

Just a little longer.

 

\---

 

“Oh my god, at least turn it on silent,” Taemin complained when Krystal's phone vibrated against the table for the fourth time in the last five minutes.

Krystal ignored him in favor of replying to Sunyoung's message, commenting on how pretty the sunset looked in the picture she shared.

Taemin had been making snide remarks about Krystal’s new texting habit over the past few weeks, but she had gotten quite good at tuning out Taemin’s complaining. It had been over one hundred years and she hadn’t killed him yet, so that was something. 

Her phone buzzed again and Taemin sighed loudly. 

Krystal hid a giggle behind her hand at the ridiculous face Luna was making in the short video clip she sent, and she could nearly hear Taemin’s eyeroll across the room. 

She and Sunyoung had met up twice more, and though she could tell that Sunyoung had been trying to work up to a goodnight kiss, Krystal had tried to casually skirt the advances- knowing that getting involved beyond friendship was absolutely off limits. Even if she had been dying to let Sunyoung lean in and connect their lips…

“You’re acting younger than me,” Taemin told her, aggravation heavy in his tone. 

“Not possible,” Krystal remarked, barely glancing up from her phone. She often teased him for behaving like a young kid, despite the fact that he was over one hundred years old. And the fact that she was nearly double his age only gave her jibes more weight. “Even if we switched ages, you’d still act like you were younger than me.”

Taemin scoffed, sounding more perturbed than usual by her snide remarks. Typically, he just laughed them off- caring little about what she was saying. But he had been edgier in the last couple of weeks. Krystal wondered if she should apologize, but she wasn’t sure what for. This was how they always behaved around each other. He was the one acting so differently.

“Seriously, _Krystal_ ,” Taemin said, his usually light voice stern. “What are you _doing_? You’d have me by the balls if I was texting some human non-stop.”

Krystal looked up at Taemin, standing over her now with his brows furrowed and his full lips turned down in a frown. 

She opened her mouth to reply, tell him that she’d have him by the balls because he’d be bound to do something stupid, before she closed it again. Because while that was true, what she was doing _was_ stupid. Having extended contact with a human like she was was extremely stupid and risky, and she’d never have allowed Taemin to get away with it and risk everything they’d made for themselves. 

Taemin was right.

If her chest hadn’t felt so tight, she’d have laughed.

How could she have allowed herself to behave this way? She’d known it was inappropriate, but she’d made excuses and given herself a pass- a pass she wouldn’t have given Taemin, and for good reason.

This had to stop. She couldn’t keep meeting with Sunyoung or texting her, no matter how much lighter she had felt over the past month. The risks far outweighed the reward. 

Krystal set her phone down on the tabletop and ignored the flashing light that indicated that she had a message. 

Taking a deep breath, Krystal met Taemin’s eyes again. 

She nodded once. 

“You’re right,” she said, watching the way his eyebrows jumped in surprise at her easy acceptance of the fact. “I’ll stop contacting her.”

Taemin, now that Krystal agreed with him, seemed unsure of what to do. He just stood there, mouth hanging open like he wanted to speak but was unsure of what to say. 

That was fine. Krystal didn’t want to hear it anyway- gloating, sympathy, or otherwise.

“I’m gonna lay down,” she told him airily, getting up from the table and breezing by him toward her room. 

Laying in the dark with only her own thoughts to keep her company, Krystal felt more alone than she ever had.

 

\---

 

It had been two weeks. Two weeks since Krystal had last replied to a text from Sunyoung.

It had been one week since Sunyoung had given up and stopped texting her. 

It had been ten seconds since Krystal had last wondered what Sunyoung was up to.

But Krystal couldn’t think about that now. She couldn’t worry about how Sunyoung was taking Krystal’s radio silence. She couldn’t focus on the hollow feeling in her own chest and the loneliness that was seeping into the empty space. 

Now was not the time for any of that because Krystal needed to focus on finding a meal. A meal who, preferably, reminded her of Sunyoung in no way.

The week before, Krystal had ended up flat on her back on the bed of a girl with wine red hair who didn’t particularly look like Sunyoung, but that hadn’t stopped Krystal’s imagination from imagining that it was as she had arched against the girl’s mouth and found her peak. 

That was not healthy behavior. So this time, Krystal was going to make sure that there was no likeness between Sunyoung and whomever she fed from. As she glanced around the crowded bar, she didn’t allow her eyes to settle on women at all, instead roaming over the faces of the men to try to find someone who appealed to her. 

Krystal was determined not to think about Sunyoung that night. Eventually, she would stop thinking about her all together.

She wasn’t thinking of Sunyoung as she moved between bodies to get nearer to the bar. She wasn’t thinking of Sunyoung as she eyed a group of men standing together, laughing over their beers. No, none of them. Her gaze strayed to a man alone nursing what looked like whisky. She considered him for a moment, but decided against him. 

Still focused only on finding a meal, Krystal made her way to a more secluded corner of the room, hoping to see someone who would keep her attention.

She wasn’t thinking about Sunyoung as she surveyed the people in the dimly lit area, but she couldn’t help that there was a woman standing there, talking to a man, who- 

_Sunyoung_. It _was_ Sunyoung. 

Krystal hadn’t been seen, and she took a surprised step back, anticipating a quiet retreat so Sunyoung didn’t see her. 

Of all the bars in the city, she had ended up in the one where Sunyoung was. 

If Krystal believed in a higher power, she would have been cursing said power for taunting her like this.

She had to leave.

But before she could turn on her heel and make her way back through the crowds, she spared a glance at the man to whom Sunyoung was talking, and she froze. 

Only a few times over the course of her existence had Krystal run into another vampire by mistake. 

This was one of those times. 

There was no mistaking it. The man, short with dark hair, narrow shoulders, and large eyes, was a vampire. 

Had Krystal not been so focused on Sunyoung’s presence, she would have sensed him immediately.

However, despite focusing on Sunyoung, the other vampire seemed to sense _her_ \- turning to look at her curiously and drawing Sunyoung’s gaze as well.

The way Sunyoung blinked, seeming to push past a haze of confusion like someone who had had too much alcohol might, had Krystal feeling certain that the vampire had been using the lure on her. 

The lure wasn’t evil- selfish, maybe- and most vampires Krystal had ever known or heard of just fed from, slept with, and then wiped the memory of their meals. Sunyoung was in no more danger, really, than if she had been speaking with any strange man who probably wasn’t, but had the potential to be dangerous. 

Still, knowing that this vampire whose lips were starting to pull up in amusement had been using the lure and intended to feed from Sunyoung had Krystal’s blood boiling, so to speak. With a burst of adrenaline fueled by misplaced anger, Krystal stalked over to the pair, ready to warn this vampire off from ever coming near Sunyoung ever again.

“Leave her alone,” Krystal nearly growled, knowing how irrational she was being, but unable to help it. The thought of another vampire leading Sunyoung into the night to sink their teeth into the unmarred skin of her neck… Krystal was a little alarmed by the rage that came over her when presented with this reality. 

The vampire, not seeming particularly threatened by her presence, opened his mouth to speak, but Sunyoung beat him to it.

“Excuse me,” she cut in, stepping in front of Krystal with a deep scowl on her face. “What are you doing? This is none of your business.”

The sharpness of her tone stung, though Krystal could understand her anger. It wasn’t as though Sunyoung could have known that the man she was speaking with had much more in mind for her than a simple conversation and exchange of numbers. Even if she was open to a one night stand, that was not all she would be getting. 

“You can’t just-”

“My name is Kyungsoo,” the vampire said calmly, interrupting Sunyoung’s rant to introduce himself to Krystal. “It has been quite some time since I have come across anyone like you. I don’t want to cause any trouble here,” he told her, gesturing between the irate Sunyoung and Krystal, herself. “But I would like to speak with you. Meet me here at eleven thirty tomorrow night.”

He smiled, though it didn’t reach his eyes, before he turned and slipped between a few people before he was out of sight.

He wanted to speak with her? She wasn’t concerned for her safety. Despite his somewhat unnerving demeanor, she hadn’t sensed anything threatening about his request- just curious. Perhaps a little bemused by her presence. 

“What was that?” Sunyoung demanded, pulling Krystal’s attention away from where Kyungsoo had disappeared and back to her burning gaze and tight jaw. “Do you know him?”

“No, I-”

“It doesn’t even matter,” Sunyoung cut her off, waving away the issue entirely. “You can’t just suddenly ignore me with no explanation, which is extremely rude and inconsiderate in its own right, and then chase off anyone else who might, I don’t know, _not_ suddenly drop me like I wasn’t worth anything to begin with.”

Krystal wanted to tell her that Kyungsoo hadn’t been preparing to cherish her. In the morning, she wouldn’t even remember he existed. But she knew that wasn’t the point. The point was that she didn’t want- couldn’t have- Sunyoung for herself, so she didn’t have any right to decide whom Sunyoung was allowed to speak to. Even though Kyungsoo was a vampire, it was not Krystal’s place to chase him off like she had. Though she couldn’t regret doing so, regardless. 

“I’m sorry,” Krystal said softly, utterly chastised. There was something a little surreal about being 250 years old, nearly immortal, and yet cowed by a twenty four year old human. 

“What do you want from me?” Sunyoung asked, hands still in fists at her sides, but her tone wavering slightly. 

Krystal didn’t know what to say, looking around at the other patrons milling around them instead of meeting Sunyoung’s hurt gaze. She’d done that. She’d hurt her. And she hated herself for it. 

“It’s complicated,” Krystal hedged, because it was. What did she want? So much. If she was just a twenty-something human and she had met Sunyoung at a bar, things would be much simpler. Falling for Sunyoung would have been acceptable. Being near her wouldn’t have been a risk to her entire existence. And if it came to it, she could have given Sunyoung everything she was seeking. But as it was, she couldn’t. She’d already hurt her because of that.

“I don’t know what could be so complicated about it,” Sunyoung challenged, stubborn. “You obviously don’t want me. So, _fine_. But leave me alone. You don’t need to rub it in.”

There was a vulnerability in Sunyoung’s gaze that she couldn’t hide despite the way she clenched her jaw and looked up at Krystal defiantly. It was insecurity in herself, it was anger, it was pain, and it was confusion. 

Krystal knew that there was a good possibility that Sunyoung had spent the last two weeks trying not to think about her and why she had stopped responding. Tonight, she had probably been trying to forget about her. And then Krystal had shown up and ruined everything. 

She’d ruined everything for herself, too. Though she doubted that would be any consolation to Sunyoung. 

If only they could have just let whatever it was between them fade away. It wouldn’t have been a good ending, but it would have been better than this- Sunyoung angry and hurt, and Krystal wondering if she had the strength to walk away again. Maybe Sunyoung would make her this time. That would be for the best. 

It was ridiculous, truly, that Sunyoung, whom she had known for just under two months of her entire existence, could turn her upside down like this. There was billions of people in the world. Krystal had met, and even slept with, more than she could ever begin to count. But Sunyoung affected her like no individual ever had. She had her feeling weak, elated, scared, vulnerable. It was an addictive feeling. After feeling like she was barely even playing a role in her own life, Sunyoung was like an electric shock that had woken her up.

Krystal was as scared to walk away from her as she was to stay.

“I’ll explain everything,” Krystal found herself saying, not wanting Sunyoung to internalize the self degradation written on her face. “But I can’t now. In private. I’ll...I’ll text you and we can meet.”

Sunyoung was looking at her in confusion, distrust shining in her expressive eyes. 

“I’ll explain and then...I can leave you alone if you want.” 

Krystal knew that she should leave Sunyoung alone. She hated herself for hoping that that wasn’t what Sunyoung would want. 

Unsure and still looking somewhat suspicious, Sunyoung nodded.

“I’ll go now,” Krystal said, deciding she could put off feeding for another night. She was too unbalanced to bother right then.

Sunyoung nodded again and Krystal excused herself, pushing through the people gathered around the bar until she could step out onto the sidewalk. 

The muggy air of the city was only marginally less suffocating than the air in the crowded bar. 

She’d done everything wrong when it came to Sunyoung, and she wasn’t sure if there were any options left that were right. 

But even that slight interaction, dramatic, angry, and painful as it had been, had the hollowness in Krystal’s chest shrinking. And that was terrifying. 

 

\---

 

The muffled sound of music covered by loud conversations, clinking glasses, and boisterous laughter greeted Krystal as she stepped into the bar- the same bar where she had accidentally found Sunyoung the night before. 

And though she had promised Sunyoung they would meet, it would not be that night. 

Earlier in the day, Krystal had sent Sunyoung a text, asking if they could meet at Krystal’s building the following day. Sunyoung had agreed, and Krystal was trying her best not to think about what she was going to say. She had other things she had to deal with first. 

Later that night, Krystal planned to find a quick meal- someone she could take into a bathroom stall perhaps and feed from before she made them forget. It wasn’t the way Krystal liked to operate, but she needed to feed and she didn’t know how long her first task of the night was going to take. 

Right then, she was scanning the bar for the vampire, Kyungsoo, whom she’d happened upon the night before. 

She was slightly uneasy about the meeting since she didn’t know what the other vampire wanted from her, but she was too curious not to go. It had been decades since she had accidentally run into another vampire. 

After looking around the actual bar and the area surrounding it, Krystal finally spotted the vampire sitting alone at a small table in the back, votive candle lighting his face and reflecting in his eyes. He looked otherworldly, though it ironically had nothing to do with the fact that he actually wasn’t human. 

Krystal slid into the seat across from him, his gaze already on her like he had sensed her coming. He probably had. 

His eyes glinted as he reached out to shake her hand. Not a smile, but not unfriendly either. Krystal still had no idea what to expect. 

“Thank you for coming,” Kyungsoo said, his speech more formal than someone who looked his age. Krystal knew she sometimes spoke like someone older than how she looked, but she wasn’t bad. She was pretty good at adapting to the speech patterns of the time. She suspected that Kyungsoo might be older than she was. “I didn’t catch your name last night?”

“Krystal,” she supplied, watching the way Kyungsoo dabbed at his mouth after taking a sip of his cocktail. 

“Would you like to go get a drink?” he asked, gesturing to the bar.

Krystal shook her head, again trying to place Kyungsoo’s accent. She couldn’t, and she suspected it was an amalgamation of a number of accents blended together.

“I haven’t seen you around before,” Krystal started, sitting back and crossing her arms. Kyungsoo looked like he was used to intimidating people despite his small stature, and Krystal wanted to make sure he knew that she was not intimidated. 

“No, you wouldn’t have,” Kyungsoo confirmed, brows straight and serious. “I don’t stay in any one place too long so as not to attract unwanted attention. I am just passing through, so you don’t have to worry about me encroaching on your territory.”

His eyes glinted slightly at that, like the idea that she might be concerned about his presence amused him. She wasn't.

“So, why did you want to meet with me?” she asked, getting straight to the point. The gnawing ache in her chest from hunger was distracting. 

Kyungsoo’s lips stretched in an amused smile that looked vaguely heart shaped. Krystal found the visual somewhat ironic, all things considered. 

“No real reason,” he said, sitting back in his chair. “I just haven’t come across another vampire in fifty years or so. It is nice to speak to one’s own kind every once in awhile, don’t you think?”

“I suppose,” she shrugged. “But I live with another vampire, so I haven’t given it much thought.”

“Interesting,” he said, though his passive tone didn’t seem to echo the meaning. “Are the two of you romantically involved?”

Krystal couldn’t help the snort she emitted at the thought of being romantically involved with Taemin. 

“No,” she told him, probably redundant after her initial reaction. 

“No, you wouldn’t be,” he agreed, eyes twinkling in amusement that Krystal found almost mocking. “Not with the way you reacted when I was speaking to that human.”

Bristling, Krystal forced herself not to chew him out like she wanted.

“I am not involved romantically with the human either,” she said, forcing her tone to remain steady.

“No?” he asked, definitely mocking now. 

“Is that all you wanted to say?” Krystal snapped, ready to get up and get on with her night.

Kyungsoo held up his hands. “No, I apologize. I didn’t mean to upset you.”

He didn’t sound particularly sorry, but Krystal settled back in her chair anyway. Better not to allow him to get under her skin. 

“When were you turned?” he asked, taking another drink of his cocktail. It looked like scotch, but Krystal wasn’t sure and didn’t care enough to ask.

She must have looked at him quizzically because Kyungsoo added, “I’m just curious. I told you I don’t get to speak to many vampires.”

Resigning herself to going along with what Kyungsoo wanted, Krystal answered. “I was turned in 1772. Overseas.”

Kyungsoo nodded, not seeming excited by the information even though he had been the one to ask the question. “I, too, was turned overseas. Were you turned by force?”

Krystal shook her head. “No, by choice.” 

She hoped that Kyungsoo wasn’t going to ask for more details about why she had been turned. It was something she didn’t like to talk about. Even Taemin didn’t know the full story.

“Interesting,” Kyungsoo said again, though he still didn’t sound enthused or particularly interested.

“And you?” Krystal asked before he could pry. 

“By force,” he answered. “It was in the mid 1400’s. I no longer remember the exact year.” 

Krystal had heard of those turned by force, the punchline of a cruel joke by a bitter vampire, though she had never heard someone tell the tale firsthand. Her interest was piqued. 

“May I ask...how it happened?” 

Kyungsoo nodded in acquiescence, and Krystal sat forward in her chair, intrigued. 

“I was fed from by a vampire in my village when I was walking home one night,” he began, tone still impassive and face mostly blank despite the nature of what he was saying. “He hid my memories, but I don’t know if he did a poor job or if I was just resistant to the technique. A week or so later when I saw him again, I suddenly remembered everything. I started to yell _vampire_ , but he dragged me away before I could get anyone to listen.”

Pausing to take a drink, Kyungsoo didn’t seem perturbed at all by the tale he was telling. Krystal, on the other hand, was shocked. She had never heard of someone remembering after having their memories hidden. She’d heard cautionary tales about feeding from the same human twice, but nothing like this. And how scary it would be for a human to suddenly remember! Especially if the initial act had been against the human’s will.

“And then he turned you?” Krystal asked, leaning against the table and waiting for the conclusion of the story.

"He could have killed me, but perhaps he thought turning me was a better punishment,” Kyungsoo said blandly with a shrug. “It was his mistake. About ten years after I was turned, I ran into him again, and I shot him in the head. Even a vampire can't survive that."

Krystal gaped, a chill running down her spine at the emotionless way Kyungsoo recounted the act of killing a man. Not that the man wasn’t deserving. What he had done was awful, but-

“So, I take it you’ve never killed anyone?” Kyungsoo asked conversationally, tipping his glass and finishing off the rest of his drink. 

Shaking her head, Krystal straightened up in her chair. And to think this vampire had almost fed from Sunyoung. The thought made her feel ill.

“I don’t go around killing humans,” Kyungsoo clarified, as though he had read her mind. “The amount of trouble that would bring…” He clicked his tongue.

Krystal didn’t have a reply at the ready, but that was fine because Kyungsoo was speaking again.

“Well, it has been enjoyable to talk to you,” he said with that same smile that didn’t reach his eyes. “I imagine you want to get on with the rest of your night. But it was nice meeting you, though I doubt we will be seeing each other again as I will be moving on tomorrow night.”

Standing up, Kyungsoo picked up his empty glass.

“And be careful with that human,” he added, face blank. “Not for her sake, but for yours.”

With that final warning, he was gone, slipping in amongst the humans gathered together laughing and disappearing from sight. 

Krystal felt uneasy in the wake of their conversation, but she knew that it was unlikely she would ever see Kyungsoo again. And even if she did, she didn’t think he was a danger toward her. He was just not the sort of character she would want to spend time with if she didn’t have to.

But as she rose from her chair to start grazing for a meal, it was Kyungsoo’s warning about Sunyoung that echoed in her mind. 

 

\---

 

Krystal hadn’t been able to sit still while she waited for Sunyoung to arrive. Never in her entire existence had she been so unsure of what the right thing to do was. 

She was going to tell Sunyoung the truth, she had decided. Though that didn’t mean she was convinced it was what she ought to be doing. But she was going to tell Sunyoung she was a vampire. Maybe Sunyoung wouldn’t even believe her. Maybe she would think Krystal was out of her mind and feel as though she had side-stepped a land mine by not getting involved with her. Maybe she’d storm out and never want to see her again.

Maybe that was for the best.

Krystal hadn’t told Taemin that she was going to admit to being a vampire, but she had told him that she had invited Sunyoung over to talk. His look of skepticism was warranted, though at least he had promised to make himself scarce while Sunyoung was there. 

A minute and thirty seconds prior, Sunyoung had texted her to tell her she had arrived in the lobby and Krystal had told her to just give her name to the man at the security desk since she had already informed him of Sunyoung’s visit.

Any second, Sunyoung would arrive in her entryway- elevator opening up into their penthouse with the right keycode that security would have put in upon hearing Sunyoung’s name.

Krystal could hear the elevator drawing near. 

She wished a deep breath would do her more good. 

When the doors slid open to reveal Sunyoung, Krystal was torn between panic and elation to be seeing her again.

Sunyoung, on the other hand, looked completely gobsmacked. 

Krystal sometimes forgot that someone who looked her age most often wasn’t well off enough to afford the things she and Taemin could afford. She’d expected Sunyoung’s surprise, however. 

“I thought I was in the wrong place when I got here,” Sunyoung told her as she stepped into the apartment, flat sandals echoing on the hardwood floor. “Is this your parents’ place?”

She knew that Sunyoung thought that Krystal was younger than her, which just would have made Krystal’s living situation seem even more unreal. 

“No, it’s mine,” Krystal told her, almost wanting to smile at the way Sunyoung’s eyes widened. “Mine and my roommate’s.”

“Are you in the mafia?” Sunyoung asked on an awkward laugh before she sobered, looking at Krystal carefully. “ _Are_ you?”

“No,” Krystal assured her, unable to help the chuckle that escaped at how serious she looked. 

Sunyoung laughed too, relieved. 

“You can take your shoes off, if you want,” Krystal offered, not used to having guests she wasn’t leading to her bedroom with the promise of sex. She and Taemin didn’t exactly have people over for dinner parties. 

Turning and bending over, Sunyoung slipped her heels out of the thin, leather straps before straightening again and gasping at what was hanging on the wall in front of her. 

“Is this real?” she breathed, leaning forward to study the painting.

“It is,” Krystal confirmed. “Bacon’s _Portrait of Henrietta_ -”

“- _Moraes_ ,” Sunyoung finished, eyes still glued to the piece. “ _Wow_.”

Shrugging, Krystal didn’t know what to say. It was her favorite piece, and it was nice to see someone appreciate it as much as she did, but she didn’t want to brag. Besides, there were more important matters at hand. 

“So, um-” Krystal started, and Sunyoung hastily turned her attention away from the painting and toward Krystal, instead. “I owe you an explanation, so if you want to go sit in the living room?”

Sunyoung nodded, following Krystal into the next room and sitting down next to her on the couch- gaping a bit as she took in the apartment. 

“This space is gorgeous,” she gushed, eyes traveling over the crown molding and down to the art that lined the walls. “But why are the blinds all closed?”

It was only six thirty in the evening, and since it was summer, it would be another hour and a half until the sun went down. But of course, none of that remaining sunlight could make its way into the apartment. 

“I need to tell you something,” Krystal said, ignoring the question for the time being since it would be answered in a moment, anyway.

Sunyoung met her eyes, patiently waiting.

“The reason I stopped talking to you so suddenly,” she began, fighting with herself over her decision to tell the truth even then. “It wasn’t because I wasn’t interested or because you did anything wrong. I had to.”

Sunyoung’s eyebrows were furrowed, her expression a mix between confusion and skepticism. 

“This is going to sound prepost- unbelievable, but I’m a vampire,” Krystal told her, keeping her voice steady so Sunyoung wouldn’t think it was a joke. “That’s why I couldn’t allow anything to go on between us.”

Panic surged through Krystal the moment the words were out of her mouth. What on earth was she _doing_? She had known Sunyoung for only a couple of months and she was telling her the truth about herself that no human knew. She was out of her mind. 

But the idea of Sunyoung feeling rejected or trying to figure out what she had done wrong- Krystal hated that thought so much. She knew she’d hurt her, and all she wanted to do was fix it, but with the way Sunyoung’s eyes hardened as she looked at her, lips pulled down into a frown, she felt like this probably wasn’t the way to do that. She was only making it worse. 

Why couldn’t she do anything right when it came to Sunyoung?

“You didn’t have to invite me here just to mock me,” Sunyoung said, anger lacing her words. And hurt. More hurt. “I got the hint when you stopped responding. You didn’t have to go out of your way to lie and make me a joke.”

“No, that’s not-” Krystal protested, getting to her feet when Sunyoung did. 

“What is even _wrong_ with you?” she went on, venomous. “Who even does this kind of thing? Chasing off that guy was one thing, but _this_ -”

“He was a vampire, too!” Krystal tried to explain. “He probably wasn’t a danger, but I couldn’t stand the thought of him feeding from you and sleeping with you. I-”

“Just stop!” Sunyoung demanded, eyes shining with so much pain and frustration, it made Krystal’s chest hurt. “Are my feelings a game to you? You could tell I was falling for you so you ignored me and then lied to me?”

“No!” Krystal insisted. “I’m telling the truth! I know it sounds insane, but it’s true! How else do you think I can afford to live here? I’m not 22. I was born in 1750 and turned in 1772. My roommate is a vampire too. He and I are business partners. I turned him to save his life in 1899. I was looking for someone to feed from when we met at that bar. The man you were talking to the other night was doing the same. I-”

Krystal didn’t know what else to say. It sounded unbelievable to her own ears despite the fact that she’d lived it. 

Sunyoung was still looking at her distrustfully, but she hadn’t left. That was something. 

“Vampires aren’t real,” Sunyoung said, voice forcefully steady. 

“I didn’t think they were either,” Krystal told her softly. “Until I met one and he turned me.”

Sunyoung shook her head, pacing in a circle before stopping to face Krystal again. “You can’t just tell me you’re a vampire and expect me to believe you.”

“I could...show you my teeth?” Krystal offered, because while all of this was feeling like a massive mistake, it was too late to turn back now.

“Your teeth are _normal,_ ” Sunyoung argued. “I’ve seen them.”

“No,” Krystal shook her head and took a tentative step forward. “Watch.”

Pulling her upper lip back, she extended her sharp incisors meant for puncturing flesh and stayed still as Sunyoung studied her mouth.

“How…?”

Krystal retracted them again, slowly so Sunyoung could see, before she shrugged. 

“That has to be fake,” Sunyoung insisted, though it sounded like she was saying so more for her benefit than Krystal’s. “So, what? You drink people’s blood and then what? You’re telling me you kill people?”

“No! No no no,” Krystal quickly disagreed. “I just feed from them. Not enough to be harmful.”

“That doesn’t make any sense,” Sunyoung argued. “If that was true, there’d be loads of people just walking around, talking about how they’ve met a vampire.”

“We can erase their memory of the bite,” Krystal explained, though she knew it all sounded so far fetched that the actual explanations were probably making it even harder for Sunyoung to take her seriously. 

For her to have believed so easily when she was younger...she must have been much more trusting than Sunyoung was now. Though in an age when there was so much information at everyone’s fingertips, it was harder for them to believe something they hadn’t seen with their own eyes. 

“Can I open the blinds?” Sunyoung asked, backing up toward the window.

“No!” Krystal exclaimed, stepping forward. “There’s...a reason it’s dark in here.”

Sunyoung was looking at her like if she stared hard enough, she’d be able to find a crack in Krystal’s insistence that this was all real.

“You’d only meet me at night…” Sunyoung muttered, mostly to herself. 

Krystal was quiet, letting her process. 

“Can I see your teeth again?” Sunyoung asked, tentatively walking back toward her. 

Nodding, Krystal obligingly protracted them again. 

“Oh! Watch,” she said, having an idea. 

With her teeth extended, Krystal brought her own wrist up to her mouth and bit down, cleanly making two perfect holes in the flesh.

Sunyoung didn’t wince as she watched her, so Krystal held her wrist out for Sunyoung to see the dark blood pooling in the wounds. 

“That doesn’t look-”

 _Human_ was probably the word Sunyoung wanted to say.

Krystal licked her own blood up and presented her wrist to Sunyoung again. The wounds were already starting to heal.

Sunyoung looked back at her face with wide eyes. 

“This _can’t_ be real,” she said, though she didn’t sound particularly sure of herself. 

“It’s real,” Krystal told her gently. 

“If it _is_ real. Which I’m not saying it is,” Sunyoung began after a moment. “Why would you be telling me?”

That was an excellent question.

Krystal let out a bitter laugh at the expense of herself. 

 

“I have no idea, honestly,” she admitted. “I probably shouldn’t be. I’ve never told a human before. I just- this is going to sound so stupid,” she warned. “I didn’t want to stop seeing you, which is why I kept meeting up with you even though I shouldn’t have. But when I finally did stop...and I saw you again and you were _hurt_... I didn’t want you to think there was something you’d done wrong.”

Sunyoung’s gaze on her had gentled, though she still didn’t look completely convinced. 

“Why me?” she asked softly, posture still tense as she waited for Krystal to answer.

“I don’t know.”

They were quiet for a moment, Krystal out of words to say and Sunyoung probably too overwhelmed to even bother. 

“Can I...think? I need to go home and just. Think this through,” Sunyoung asked, breaking the silence that felt as heavy with Krystal’s confessions.

Telling a human that she was a vampire and then letting that human go about their life with the potential to tell as many people as they wanted was probably foolish. Krystal agreed, anyway. At the very least, it was unlikely anyone would believe her, though it was still a risk. 

“I won’t tell anyone,” Sunyoung assured her as she put her sandals back on, waiting for the elevator to reach their floor. 

“I can’t stop you,” Krystal admitted. 

“I won’t,” Sunyoung insisted. “I’ll...text you, okay?”

“You don’t have to,” Krystal told her, nearly still heart feeling like lead in her chest at the thought that this might be the last she’d ever see of Sunyoung. “I said what I needed to. Even if I probably shouldn’t have. If you want to just walk away, that’s fine.”

“I just need to think,” Sunyoung repeated.

The elevator doors slid open and Sunyoung stepped inside, turning to look at Krystal and opening her mouth like she was going to say something before she closed it again.

The doors closed and Sunyoung was gone. 

Krystal felt like she had probably made a horrible mistake. 

But even more alarming than that, somehow, was the nearly unrecognizable way she had been acting. 

Ever since Sunyoung had come into the picture, it was like Krystal had lost the ability to be rational and collected- traits she’d prided herself on and relied on for all these years.

With Sunyoung, she was ignoring everything her mind told her and letting her heart control her. When had she become like this? Who was she?

 

And she couldn’t help but remember what had happened the last time she had listened to her heart.

There was a reason that she’d stopped. 

 

\---

 

“Well?” Taemin asked, stepping out of his room some time after Sunyoung had left. 

Krystal was, and had been, sitting on the couch and staring blankly ahead.

She felt numb. She reasoned that she ought to be panicking, but somehow, she wasn’t.

“I told her,” Krystal said, not turning to look at Taemin.

“Told her what?”

“Everything.” 

There was a pause and then footsteps, Taemin appearing in front of her, though blurred since her eyes weren’t really focused on anything at all.

“What do you mean _everything_?” he demanded, anxious in all the ways Krystal wasn’t. “You told her that you’re a vampire?”

Krystal nodded, waiting for panic that wouldn’t seem to come.

In a way, it was freeing. Everything was out of her hands. Normally, that might make her even more worried, but right then, it was a relief. She could barely sort out her own feelings. At least she knew she’d said her piece and it was up to Sunyoung how she wanted to take it. 

The calm was both welcome and worrying.

“You _what_?!” Taemin exclaimed, leaning over and waving a hand in front of her face. “What’s the matter with you? Where is she now?”

“Home,” Krystal told him, blinking to bring his anxious face into focus. “She went home.”

“You just told a human that you’re a vampire and then let her _leave_?”

“Yeah,” she confirmed airily. “She won’t tell anyone.”

“How do you know?!”

“I don’t,” Krystal admitted. “Honestly, even if she did, no one would believe her. It doesn’t matter.”

“Of course it _matters_ ,” he said, looking at her like she’d lost her mind. She couldn’t even blame him. Though it _was_ strange to have Taemin scolding _her_ , for a change. In the past it had been Krystal telling Taemin he was being too reckless. It had never been the other way around. Not until Sunyoung.

Krystal shook her head, unable to tell if she felt more or less out of touch with reality than she usually did. On the one hand, her emotions all felt strangely muffled. But on the other, there was a strange clarity buzzing through her like she hadn’t felt since she was human.

“We have to do something!” Taemin demanded, pacing in front of her and continually looking over at her like he was expecting that she was going to snap out of it and agree with him any second. “You have to turn her. Or kill her.”

That had her immediately thinking of Kyungsoo- how he’d been turned and how unaffected he seemed by the fact that he had killed someone. 

Being ruled by emotions scared Krystal out of her mind. But losing all sense of humanity scared her just as much.

She didn’t want to be like Kyungsoo.

“I’m not going to kill her,” she snapped, blinking past some of the haze of strange calm that had come over her. 

“Well, you have to do something,” Taemin said again. “Krystal, this is _dangerous_.”

It was, but there was nothing to be done right then. She just had to wait to see what Sunyoung said when she contacted her. _If_ she contacted her.

“I’m just going to wait,” Krystal told him, sitting back again and wishing for the calm now that she could feel a trickle of anxiety making its way down her spine. Though the anxiety was more about what Sunyoung was thinking and feeling than if she was going to call Krystal out as a vampire. “She said she would text me.”

“Oh well thank god,” Taemin muttered sarcastically, apparently giving up as he started walking away from her. 

Krystal knew why he was angry. She understood and she didn’t blame him.

What she’d done- it had probably been a mistake. Everything she’d done in regards to Sunyoung had been a mistake. 

She wanted to wish that she had just never met her at all.

But if she hadn’t met her, Krystal wondered if she would have eventually forgotten how to feel. 

As it was, she had been dangerously close. Closer than she had thought. 

Because in the absence of everything, it was easy to lose herself into nothing.

 

\---

 

It was three long days of silence before Sunyoung texted her. 

Krystal told herself that she would be okay with it if Sunyoung never contacted her. But the text saying that she wanted to come over sent relief flooding through her.

Of course, that just led to more worry. What did Sunyoung want to say to her? Was she angry? Did she still think she was lying? Was she going to show up with a SWAT team? 

Krystal was concerned about the first two. It was Taemin who thought the third might happen, so he insisted on being there when Sunyoung arrived. Because apparently he thought he would be able to fight off an entire SWAT team.

When Sunyoung stepped into the apartment for the second time, her eyes widened in surprise to see Taemin standing beside Krystal, his gaze on her suspicious and a little threatening.

“This is Taemin, my roommate,” Krystal said when the elevator doors had closed behind Sunyoung and no words had been spoken.

“Hi,” Sunyoung greeted, shooting a nervous smile at Taemin who didn’t reciprocate.

“She didn’t bring an army of vampire hunters,” Krystal pointed out, turning to Taemin in annoyance. “You can go now.”

“What if she has a recording device in her purse?”

Sunyoung’s brows shot up, obviously not having expected to be assaulted with suspicion as soon as she stepped inside. 

“You can look?” Sunyoung offered, hesitantly stepping forward with her open bag in front of her.

“That’s really not necessary-” Krystal started, but Taemin was already pawing through her possessions. 

If she hadn’t been so worried about what Sunyoung had come to tell her, she would have been completely mortified. As it was, she was still pretty embarrassed.

“She has a phone,” Taemin announced and Krystal hit him on the shoulder. 

“ _Obviously_.”

“She could record with it!” he explained, urgency in his voice like this situation was much more tense and dire than it was.

“I can just leave my stuff by the door,” Sunyoung suggested. 

Taemin paused for a second before nodding, handing back her purse and crossing his arms like he might intimidate her in case she was going to still try to pull something. 

“Okay, Taemin, please leave now,” Krystal said again, looking away from Sunyoung gingerly placing her purse on the table in the entryway to shoot Taemin a glare.

“But-”

“ _Now_.” 

Krystal might not have been behaving completely rationally lately, and Taemin might have been frustrated with her choices, but Krystal was still the older of the two and the one to have turned him to begin with. Maybe it was just habit for him to listen to her when she got serious, but Taemin obliged, stalking out of the room in frustration, eyes on Sunyoung until he turned the corner.

Letting out a breath, Krystal knew that she had to deal with the actual scary part of the visit- finding out whether or not Sunyoung despised her. 

“Do you want to sit down?” Krystal asked, anxiety really kicking in now that it was just the two of them.  
Sunyoung nodded, following her for the second time to the living room to join her on the couch.

“So,” Krystal said when Sunyoung didn’t immediately start speaking. “You came back.”

“I did,” Sunyoung confirmed, breaking off into an uncomfortable giggle that she quelled with a deep breath. “I- it was a lot to take in. And I still- I believe you, but...you swear you’re telling the truth?”

“Why would I lie?” Krystal asked, feeling raw and vulnerable. She understood it was hard for Sunyoung to grasp, but she didn’t know what else she could do.

Sunyoung studied her for a moment before nodded.

“I believe you.”

Just _that_ had some tension releasing. At the very least, Sunyoung knew she hadn’t lied to her. Sunyoung also knew that she hadn’t done anything wrong to have Krystal stop contacting her. Even if she never wanted to see Krystal again, Krystal could live with this. 

“I’m glad you don’t think I’m crazy,” Krystal said, huffing out a laugh and feeling her heart ping to see Sunyoung smile in response. 

Sunyoung shook her head, eyes warm as she regarded Krystal.

 

“I think I might be though,” she added, biting her lower lip and blowing out a breath through her nose. 

“Crazy?” Krystal asked, unsure of where this as headed.

When Sunyoung looked back up at her, her gaze was serious- brows pinched. 

“I...before...when I was accusing you of playing with my feelings and I said I’d been falling for you? That was the truth. I really liked you,” she paused before correcting herself. “ _Like_ you.”

Krystal didn’t know what to say. She’d had one night stands profess their undying love to her before she wiped their memory, her only response a quirk of her lips and a toss of her hair. 

This wasn’t even a declaration of love. But somehow it felt so much heavier. 

Sunyoung was just looking at her, like she was waiting for something. Krystal knew what she was waiting for.

She should tell Sunyoung that that was all well and good, but as she’d explained the last time, they couldn’t be together. Krystal was a vampire. Sunyoung was not. They couldn’t get involved.

But as Sunyoung’s expectant look started to fall, Krystal found herself speaking before she could stop herself. 

“I really like you too,” she told her softly, the rational part of her brain trying to pull her back from what she was saying. “I wasn’t supposed to see you all those times. I kept telling myself that I would stop but…”

The air around them seemed like it was buzzing with energy, the silence deafening as Krystal let her statement hang. 

“Am I crazy to still want to be with you?” Sunyoung asked, eyes mesmerizing as she looked into Krystal’s.

“ _Yes_ ,” Krystal said on a whisper, but the word dissipated between them when Sunyoung leaned forward and connected their lips together softly. 

The contact was only for a second, but it had Krystal feeling like she was engulfed in flames so hot they felt cold against her skin.

There were a million reasons why she should have walked away, made Sunyoung walk away, but after that kiss…

She knew that there was no turning back.

 

\---

 

“So...tell me!” Sunyoung urged after the waiter had taken their orders and disappeared with their menus. 

After the course altering kiss, they had spent some time talking- Sunyoung assuring Krystal that _yes_ she really wanted to be with her, as well as Krystal explaining some of the basics about vampires like how they ate, how they could influence a human’s mind, and hide their memories. Sunyoung had been fascinated, hanging onto Krystal’s every word and jumping in with questions when she had them until her stomach rumbled and Krystal chuckled, looking at her knowingly.

So they’d moved their conversation to a restaurant nearby- their first first official date. 

As long as they spoke quietly, it would be fine. And Krystal liked having the opportunity to treat Sunyoung to a nice meal, even if she was just planning to pick at her own food since she didn’t need it.

“Tell you what?” Krystal asked, lips quirked in amusement at the way Sunyoung was sitting forward in her seat- elbows resting on the table and eagerly waiting for Krystal to speak.

“Everything!” she said. “You said you were born in 1750? That leaves a lot of time that we haven’t covered in previous conversations. And you know pretty much all the basics about me.”

“Alright,” Krystal agreed, getting more comfortable and crossing her legs under the table. “Well, I was born overseas. My family was...well off. We, my sister and I, were tutored at home and prepared for a life of being a rich man’s wife. I loved my parents, but...that path never sat well with me. I suppose that’s evident considering my choices.”

“So you...chose to become a vampire?”

Krystal nodded, knowing just what parts of the story to cut out since she didn’t like to think of them. She had already told this version to Taemin.

“I did,” she confirmed. “I met a man at a gala that my parents held. He initially approached me as though he were interested in courting me. But he seemed very different than the other suitors I had met. After he had come to call a few times, all at night, he confessed to being a vampire. I guess I was naive because I didn’t run screaming.”

Sunyoung nudged her foot under the table. “Are you making commentary about me?” she teased.

“No,” Krystal laughed, playfully nudging her foot back. “At least you were a bit more wary. I just...accepted it. He kept coming back after that, telling me that he could turn me into a vampire too. He said I would live forever, that he and I would be powerful. I think it all appealed to me because it was a choice that I never expected to have. Instead of marrying a man my family deemed worthy, I could run away and be free of society’s influence. At the time, I thought I had thought it all through. In retrospect, it was pretty rash. One night, I just...left. I had a piece of paper with directions that the man had given me to his home. So I took my horse after everyone was in bed and...that was it.”

“You never went back?” Sunyoung marvelled, eyes wide.

Krystal shook her head. “After I was turned, I knew I could never go back.”

“Do you miss them?” Sunyoung asked softly, brows drawn in concern. “You family?”

It was something Taemin had never asked as he hadn’t left anyone behind when he had become a vampire. His mother had died when he was a baby and his father was glad to be rid of him as soon as he was of age. Taemin had no one to miss. Krystal did.

“Of course,” Krystal told her, nostalgia sweeping over her. “My sister especially. She was five years older than me, and I adored her. When we were just kids, I would follow her around and bother her, whine to the nannies that she was being mean to me. But when we got a bit older, she became my best friend. We told each other everything. I would sneak into her room after I was supposed to be in bed, and we would lay together in her bed and just talk for hours- once until the sun rose and I had to tiptoe back to my room before the servants starting waking up. When she was being courted, she wanted my opinion on every suitor and claimed she would never marry someone I didn’t approve of.”

Krystal chuckled at the recollection, her sister’s chin up with defiance, swearing up and down that she would refuse any man that didn’t get Krystal’s stamp of approval. Sunyoung smiled softly at her from across the table.

“The man she married was kind, and he and I did get along. Though I’d hated to see her go when she moved from our parents’ house to his estate.” Krystal shook her head. “I didn’t even leave a note. I wish, if only for her sake, that I’d at least left _something_. I hate to think of how much she worried after I disappeared.”

Sunyoung put her hand atop Krystal’s on the table- warm and comforting. 

Smiling in thanks, Krystal forced herself to move past all of that to continue with her tale. 

“But that’s all in the past. I try not to dwell on it,” she said, not moving her hand away still. “So, I arrived at the man’s house at dawn- a large, stone manor in the middle of the woods- and slept for hours. When I woke, he provided food, a bath, some fresh clothes… And I told him I wanted him to turn me. He asked if I wanted to wait, but I said no. I had made up my mind and I was determined to see my decision through. I swallowed a few drops of his blood and passed out. When I woke up...my body was different. Everything was different.”

“Bad different?” Sunyoung wanted to know, attention rapt and fingers closing around Krystal’s hand on the table. 

Krystal shook her head. “Just different. Though I got used to it after a few days. I lived in that house with him for ten years, feeding from the people his servant would bring from the neighboring towns and doing very little with my time except reading. That kind of life was fulfilling enough for him, I suppose. He had earned the fortune that allowed for him to live like that. But for me, it became suffocating. I didn’t feel free like I thought that I would. So I left and got on a boat headed overseas. I had no idea what awaited me, but I didn’t care. I just needed to...get away. 

“After I arrived here, I moved around a lot- renting cheap rooms here and there, and learning what it meant to fend for myself. I had only myself to rely on for one hundred years, and I was satisfied. At least I was free to choose my own path.”

“Didn’t you get lonely?” Sunyoung wanted to know. 

For someone like her- always smiling, conversing with people, feeding off the energy of those around her- it would probably be near impossible to live like that. But for Krystal, it had been what she had wanted at the time. 

“Sometimes,” she admitted, “but it wasn’t so bad.”

“So when did Taemin come into the picture? You said you spent one hundred years alone?”

“1899,” Krystal told her. “I was out West. I was staying in the rough part of town at a motel frequented by prostitutes and the like. I fed from Taemin, but when he left, some bandits cornered him and when he wouldn’t give up his money and belongings, they stabbed him.”

Sunyoung looked aghast, hand over her mouth in shock. 

“Back then, it was much easier to get away with crimes, so I don’t think the bandits even thought twice about leaving him there in the road,” Krystal went on, squeezing Sunyoung’s hand in hers as a sort of reassurance that the story didn’t end in tragedy. “I saw all of it through my window, and when I had fed from him, he had asked me to turn him. That wasn’t a common occurrence, but I said no. However, seeing him bleeding out on the road and knowing he wished to become a vampire anyway…”

“You saved him,” Sunyoung breathed, impressed. 

Krystal found herself feeling a bit self-conscious with the look of wonder on Sunyoung’s face directed at her.

“I suppose I did,” Krystal said, not wanting to build it up to be more than what it was. “He was supposed to go off on his own after a few months of learning to feed and hide the memories from humans, but...somehow he never left.” 

Sunyoung’s smile turned from sentimental to playful.

“You like his company, don’t you?” she teased, grabbing Krystal’s fingers on the table and wiggling her hand back and forth. 

Sighing, Krystal tried to look put upon, but she ended up laughing at Sunyoung’s amused grin and waggling eyebrows. 

“Sometimes,” she allowed, smiling when Sunyoung tossed her head back on a laugh. “But only sometimes!”

Sunyoung quirked a brow, lips pulled up in a teasingly challenging smirk.

“Don’t tell him,” Krystal warned, and Sunyoung giggled- miming the act of locking her lips with a key and tossing it over her shoulder. 

Krystal smiled, chest feeling warm like it hadn’t since she’d had a steady heartbeat. 

She didn’t know if she had made the best choice, but with Sunyoung’s light shining on her from across the table, it was impossible to regret it. 

 

\---

 

Krystal stumbled backwards into her apartment, Sunyoung affixed to her front and their lips sliding together wetly. 

It had been two weeks since their first _official_ date and they’d been on four more. Their texting habit had come back with a vengeance as well, Krystal attached to her phone during all of Sunyoung’s waking hours and having to remind herself not to send anything while Sunyoung was asleep.

For Taemin’s benefit (and also her own because she was tired of hearing Taemin grumble disapprovingly), her phone was always on silent. She had started imagining it flashing out of the corner of her eye, only to find that Sunyoung hadn’t texted her after all. It was a good thing Taemin didn’t know about that. 

Their subsequent dates had ended with lingering kisses and heady looks from Sunyoung that had Krystal wanting to back her against the outside of her building and inhale her. Evidently, she hadn’t been the only one wanting since, after hearing that Taemin was out looking for a meal, Sunyoung dragged Krystal to the elevator and all but shoved her into it, kissing her deeply as soon as the doors had shut.

And now that they had made it into the privacy of Krystal’s apartment, Sunyoung wasn’t holding back.

Whimpering into her mouth, Sunyoung had Krystal pinned against the wall in the living room- her knee slotted between Krystal’s thighs. 

Kissing was certainly not new to Krystal, nor was the feeling of rising want. But with Krystal’s overwhelming feelings for Sunyoung that were blooming in her chest, she felt like she was drowning.

There was nothing she wanted more than to keep kissing Sunyoung forever. And Sunyoung’s thigh pressing between her legs was making her want so, _so_ much. But she knew that they couldn’t do this. Not yet. They had more things to talk about first. 

“ _Sunyoung_ ,” Krystal gasped, trying to pull away from the insistent way Sunyoung was sucking on her lower lip, her own body against stopping just as much as Sunyoung. “We can’t...not yet.”

“ _Why_?” Sunyoung complained, lips trailing down over Krystal’s jaw and pressing against her neck.

“We have to talk about something,” Krystal forced herself to say, holding onto Sunyoung’s shoulders to try to get her to step back because it was very difficult to think clearly when Sunyoung was nibbling along her collarbones. 

Finally, Sunyoung pulled back with a dissatisfied scowl, lips puffy from kissing and hair mussed from Krystal running her fingers through it.

Krystal had to fight against the urge to pull her back in. 

“Let’s sit,” she said, and Sunyoung grudgingly followed her to the couch.

“How many more times are we going to have to sit here and discuss things?” Sunyoung complained, mostly joking, and Krystal laughed. 

“Maybe after we talk, we can do other things here,” Krystal offered with a quirk of her brow.

Sunyoung sat up straight, making a show of it. “I’m listening.”

All the joking was fine. It was good.

But Krystal was worried about how Sunyoung would react to her abundance of sexual experience.

“So, in the interest of full disclosure,” she began, wondering what the best way to phrase it would be. “I have had a lot of sexual partners over the years.”

Sunyoung didn’t look surprised.

“Well, you _have_ been alive for 250 years,” she pointed out. “Of course you would have slept with a lot of people.”

“Yes, _that_ ,” she agreed, “but also...for most people, the act if being fed from is sexually arousing. And as the one feeding from them, it's easy to feed off that desire…”

Krystal trailed off, biting her lip as she waited for Sunyoung to respond.

Her brows were raised when she asked, “So you’ve slept from every person you’ve fed from?”

“Not everyone,” Krystal clarified, but with the large numbers they were dealing with, she wondered if the distinction even made a difference. “But many. Most. And...as I need to feed about once a week…”

Sunyoung looked gobsmacked, and understandably. The number of people Krystal slept with was hard to estimate off the top of one's head. It had been years since she had even tried to guess.

“The good news,” Krystal went on when Sunyoung hadn’t said anything, “is that as a vampire, I am immune to all diseases, including sexually transmitted diseases. I don't carry them either. And I can't get pregnant.”

It seemed as though Sunyoung was still processing all of that, so Krystal was quiet, nervously waiting for her reaction.

“I mean, that's pretty hard to comprehend,” Sunyoung finally said on an awkward chuckle. It was. “Kinda makes me worried about how I’ll compare.”

“What? No! No. That's-” Krystal shook her head. “That's not why I told you. I’m not going to _compare_.”

“I know that’s not _why_ ,” Sunyoung told her. “But how could you not? Compare, I mean. Even if it's not consciously…”

Krystal nodded slowly. Sunyoung was right, in some ways. Though any comparing was going to work in her favor.

“I suppose I will,” she agreed, watching as Sunyoung seemed torn between despairing and gloating about the fact that she was right. “But I haven’t felt a thing for any of the humans I’ve slept with. It was meaningless. With you, it won't be. So, yes, it will be impossible to ignore how much more intimate, personal, _better_ it's going to be.”

Appearing ready to say something in argument, Sunyoung snapped her mouth shut again- looking thoughtful.

“You’ve _never_ felt anything for any of the humans you’ve been with?” she asked a second later, somehow more surprised about that than the amount of humans Krystal had had sex with.

Krystal shook her head. “It’s dangerous to feed from someone you know. Even if you wipe their memories, they might still remember. And...I never really felt the desire to know any of them longer than a night, anyway.”

“What about vampires?” Sunyoung asked, brows furrowed as she sat forward. “Didn’t you ever have a relationship with another vampire?” 

Krystal shook her head, swallowing down the truth about the vampire who had turned her. But there had been none since then and that first relationship had lasted maybe a year despite the ten years she spent in the manor. It was...partially the truth. Kind of.

“I really don’t run into other vampires often,” Krystal told her. And that was _definitely_ the truth.

“What about Taemin?”

“Does he date vampires?”

“No,” Sunyoung said with a good natured eyeroll. “Was there ever anything between the two of you?”

Krystal barked out a laugh. “No, definitely no deeper feelings between Taemin and I. I mean, I initially met him because I fed from him, so we slept together then- before I turned him. And I think there have been...two more times since. Out of desperation. Only every fifty years or so do I think that’s a good idea.”

Sunyoung’s lips quirked. She was used to Krystal’s well-meaning jibes toward Taemin. Which was good. Krystal was grateful that she didn’t think she was some awful, mean person. There had definitely been people who had made that mistake before. 

“So...you basically haven’t been in a relationship since you became a vampire?” Sunyoung asked, not judgmental, but definitely surprised.

That was basically almost the truth.

Krystal nodded. 

“ _Wow_ ,” Sunyoung marvelled. “Not that that’s bad. That’s just a long time.”

It had been, but Krystal hadn’t been looking for a relationship. She had wanted to be alone. At first, anyway. And then...it just hadn’t been something she had ever thought she would have. She had almost been convinced that she had imagined that she had ever felt something so potent as the stirring of love in her chest. 

All the discussion about Krystal’s past had cooled the mood, but she promised Sunyoung that she wouldn’t force her to have a discussion, next time.

Sunyoung had waggled her eyebrows at that, biting her lower lip seductively, before she pressed a lingering kiss to Krystal’s lips.

“I’m holding you to that.”

Krystal had no intention of going back on her word.

 

\---

 

Leaving light kisses along Sunyoung’s collarbones as she gently kneaded her breasts, Krystal tried to keep some of her wits about her. 

A week later and she was making good on her promise. 

In many ways, she associated feeding with sex, so even though she wasn’t hungry, her sharp incisors were itching to protract so she could sink them into Sunyoung's skin. Now wasn’t the time, though.

Two days prior, when they had been saying goodbye outside Sunyoung’s building after a date, Sunyoung had tentatively asked Krystal if she would ever think of feeding from her. She’d confessed to having been thinking about it, even more so after Krystal told her that many humans found it enjoyable.

Krystal had said they could work up to it, though her body had flooded with lust at the request. The fact Sunyoung trusted her enough to ask for that just made it even headier.

But one thing at a time.

Sunyoung was so warm beneath her- their bare skin sliding together and making Krystal want to sink into the heat of her.

Lips pressing along her sternum, across her breasts, over her ribs- Krystal wanted to savor every inch of her, but she was also impatient to give Sunyoung what she is aching for.

Krystal placed a kiss just below Sunyoung’s navel, able to feel the heat emanating from between her thighs. She could smell her arousal too, and she wanted nothing more than to taste it. 

Sunyoung’s thighs were like molten against her palms as Krystal held them open, nipping at the soft skin there and dipping her head to-

“Wait,” Sunyoung breathed, propping herself up on her elbows to peer down her body at Krystal. “Can I- I’d rather go first.”

Krystal quirked a brow, confused.

“Why?” she asked, huffing out a laugh that had lust bleeding into the edges. “I’m already _here_.”

“I know, but-” Sunyoung cut herself off with a gasp as Krystal blew a stream of air against her. “But I know how experienced you are and I don’t want to be too intimidated after finding out just how good you are at this.”

Krystal certainly didn’t want Sunyoung feeling inadequate and self conscious, especially at a time like this, but she couldn’t help but puff up a little at how sure Sunyoung was that she was going to be amazing. 

“Okay, but consider how aroused I’ll be after eating you out and making you come,” Krystal pointed out, thumbs massaging the smooth flesh of Sunyoung’s inner thighs- the muscles jumping under her touch. 

“That’s-” Sunyoung flushed, affected by Krystal’s words, but still having an argument. “I still won’t be as good as you.”

“You are making a lot of assumptions,” Krystal chiding, nipping at her hip. “But I have a better idea.”

Krystal moved out from between Sunyoung’s legs, sliding up the bed a bit, and tossing her leg over Sunyoung’s torso so her face hovered over Sunyoung’s knees. Scooting back a bit more, Krystal situated herself so she was back where she started, albeit at a slightly different angle. 

“Compromise?” she asked, twisting to get Sunyoung’s reaction. 

Having to look away from Krystal’s arousal, Sunyoung’s eyes were dark when she met Krystal’s gaze.

“Yeah, okay,” she agreed, slipping her hands around the backs of Krystal’s thighs. 

Sunyoung’s mouth was searing against her, tongue hot as it slid against her and made her tremble. 

All the worrying Sunyoung had been doing about not being good enough was obviously not necessary- her ministrations sending thick pulses of pleasure through Krystal, strong enough that it took her a moment to regain her bearings and remember to dip her head down and return the favor.

Using her hands to urge Sunyoung to tilt her hips up just slightly, Krystal delved her tongue into the wetness and moaned at the taste of Sunyoung’s arousal coating her mouth. Better yet was the sound that Sunyoung let out against Krystal’s folds- vibrations making every sensation even more overwhelming.

Only a few times had Krystal gotten a girl off in this position since it wasn’t exactly the most comfortable- neck cramping slightly and legs shaking. But the strain on her muscles was the last thing on her mind with the way Sunyoung was carefully pulling her apart with sucks against her clit, all while she felt the way Sunyoung was twitching and wet against her own lips. 

Then there was the fullness in her chest- a pervading warmth that rivalled the need flowing through her. 

It was a something she hadn’t felt in years. It was a feeling she had only experienced once before. It was a feeling she had been starting to think she had imagined. 

“ _Krystal_ ,” Sunyoung moaned against her body, fingers digging into her thighs to keep her in place as she arched against her mouth. 

Krystal kept her tongue firm as she worked Sunyoung through her climax- her sounds of pleasure ringing in Krystal’s ears and keeping her on edge even though Sunyoung’s lips were just barely brushing against her as she panted through her orgasm.

Gentling, Krystal lapped lightly at Sunyoung’s still spasming arousal, bringing her down slowly and drawing out the pleasure so Sunyoung’s voice cracked on one last gasp before she settled. 

Krystal let her forehead rest against Sunyoung’s thigh, stomach contracting as she fought against the urge to rock against Sunyoung’s mouth until she came. 

But she didn’t have to wait much longer, Sunyoung grabbing her hips and pulling her down so she could slide her tongue inside her and have her body ready to let go once more.

With a cry, Krystal let herself tip over the edge, grabbing handfuls of bedding to try to keep herself somewhat stable as she felt like she was drowning in her release- thoughts focused on Sunyoung and the fact that it was _Sunyoung_ between her legs, driving the pleasure up, up, up until Krystal almost felt like she needed to take a deep breathe to bring herself back down.

The relaxing of her muscles as she lay down next to Sunyoung was welcome, but the curl of Sunyoung’s warm arm around her waist even more so.

“ _Wow_ ,” Sunyoung breathed, smiling somewhat dazedly at Krystal as she scooted in closer. 

Krystal giggled, pressing her nose against Sunyoung’s cheek playfully. 

She didn’t even have the words to express how she felt, heart too big, mind too fuzzy, limbs too liquid to do anything but bask in Sunyoung’s body heat. 

As Sunyoung dozed against her, her heartbeat thumping steadily against Krystal’s skin, Krystal wondered how she’d ever go back to how her life had been before. 

 

\---

 

Taemin’s disapproval of Krystal’s relationship with Sunyoung hadn’t lessened in the weeks that followed his initial meeting with her. He’d admitted that she probably wasn’t going to show up at their building with the army reserve, but that was the only concession he was willing to make. 

He grunted when Krystal mentioned she was going out to meet Sunyoung and continued to roll his eyes whenever Krystal was typing anything on her phone, even if she happened to be playing a word game and not texting Sunyoung.

There was a reason she only brought Sunyoung over when Taemin was out looking for a meal and a lay.

But she was starting to lose her patience with his general attitude. She got it- he didn’t approve of her relationship. Did he really have to behave like a petulant child every time Sunyoung was so much as brought up?

“This is getting pretty fucking old, Taemin,” she snapped when Taemin sighed for the fourth time in five minutes as Krystal texted with Sunyoung about the latter's day at work.

“I was thinking the same thing,” he replied, and Krystal slapped a palm down on the table in frustration.

“This isn’t any of your business!” she exclaimed.

It was one thing for him to be against it when he thought that Sunyoung could be a threat to him and the life they had established, but it was pretty clear by then that Sunyoung wasn’t out to get them.

“Of course it is!” he fired back, temper flaring like it so rarely did. “First of all, just because she hasn’t done anything to compromise our safety yet doesn’t mean she _never_ will. What if things go badly between you? And second, I know acting like we’re married for business purposes is just a cover and a joke, but honestly we are partners. Your business is my business, and my business is your business. What we do affects each other whether you like it or not.”

Krystal paused, rebuke on her tongue wilting. Because he wasn’t wrong. There was no guarantee that Sunyoung would never decide to sell them out. Krystal would have been willing to bet she never would, but there was still the smallest chance. And...what she and Taemin had truly was a partnership. They helped each other, relied on each other, and actually did care about each other (as loathe as Krystal was to admit that). While Krystal’s business was her own, it _did_ affect Taemin to some extent. 

“Okay,” she agreed, nodding. “That’s valid. But can you please respect my decision? Scoffing and giving me attitude every time Sunyoung comes up isn’t going to make me stop seeing her. And I know you’re not happy, and I understand that. But I’m being as careful as I can be, all things considered.”

Taemin didn’t look entirely convinced, but Krystal could see some of the anger and frustration seeping out of him. 

“I can try,” he allowed, a little petulant still, but this was Taemin, after all. “But you need to really look at what you’re doing. I mean, what is your endgame? Sunyoung is going to get old and die, and you’re not. Have you talked about that with her? This can’t end well.”

That was something Krystal knew. Of _course_ she knew. But she had been doing her absolute best not to think about it. Because the thought made her sick. 

Surely Sunyoung knew, as well. She knew that Krystal was over 250 years old. She knew she didn’t age. Yet, she hadn’t brought it up either. 

It wasn’t something Krystal wanted to deal with, but ignoring it wasn’t going to make it go away. 

Taemin had a point.

“I’ll...talk to her about it,” she conceded, feeling dread rise up in her chest at just the thought. 

Nodding, Taemin seemed somewhat relieved. It didn’t solve everything he was worried about, but it was something.

“Thank you,” he said, big eyes on her for another minute before he nodded again and retreated to his room.

Krystal was glad that it seemed things were going to improve between her and Taemin. The tension between them recently had been bothering her more than she had wanted to admit.

But now she had the worry of talking to Sunyoung about the future hanging over her head. She’d been able to push all of that away before, but now she had to deal with it. 

She didn’t know what she was going to say to Sunyoung. She didn’t know how Sunyoung was feeling about it. 

But putting it off wasn’t doing either of them any good. 

She had to face reality even though it was far from the reality she wanted. 

 

\---

 

“That was so good!” Sunyoung enthused, grabbing on to Krystal’s arm in excitement as the jazz pianist finished his set. 

Wanting to take Sunyoung on a nice date, and knowing how much she loved music, Krystal decided to take Sunyoung to a jazz bar that had opened in the 1920’s during prohibition. The interior of the bar had barely changed from the time it had been built- sage green walls, art deco architectural details, and metallic flourishes that shone in the low light. 

Krystal had, of course, been alive at the time the bar had opened, but she had missed out on visiting it during its heyday by about ten years. Still, it had her feeling nostalgic for when she and Taemin had just arrived in the city. This bar had been a popular place for young people to unwind at night and Krystal had picked up many meals from this very location.

It had been years since she had been there, however. As new music crazes swept the youth, jazz bars weren’t as hip as they used to be. But Krystal had always had a soft spot for the genre, and the glamor that still lingered in former speakeasy set it apart from most bars Krystal found herself in lately. 

“Thank you for bringing me here,” Sunyoung said, turning to Krystal and sending her a bright smile that seemed to glow in the light of the candle on their table. “I’ve never been to a place like this.”

The bar was iconic- a landmark of the past- but it wasn’t a common place for young people to go, so Krystal wasn’t surprised it was a new experience for Sunyoung. She was glad that Sunyoung was enjoying herself so much. Krystal had thought she would. 

Tucked away in a corner near the side of the stage, Krystal leaned forward to press a soft kiss to Sunyoung’s lips- watching the way her eyes softened as Krystal pulled back. 

As the next act, a four piece jazz band, set up to perform, Sunyoung looked around the bar. Krystal watched as Sunyoung focused on an older couple, maybe in their 60’s, sitting together in one of the booths. Sunyoung smiled softly at the way the man held onto the woman’s hand atop the table. 

Anxiety rose in Krystal’s chest at the reminder of what she had promised Taemin she would discuss with Sunyoung.

“You know, that will never be us,” Krystal found herself saying, the statement probably too tactless and straightforward, especially as a way to begin the conversation. 

Sunyoung furrowed her eyebrows, confused. 

“I can’t age,” Krystal stated, trying to ignore the tightness in her chest. “And you will.”

Sunyoung’s frown deepened before she sighed, face pinched with sadness. 

“Do we have to talk about this?” she asked, voice a little unsteady and eyes pleading like she, too, had been avoiding thinking about this.

Krystal nodded, wishing the answer was no.

“It’s not something we can ignore,” she said, though they had both been trying. “This,” she gestured between them, “is going to have to end, eventually.”

Sunyoung was visibly displeased. Or perhaps distressed was a better word. Krystal didn’t like being the one to make her look like that- _feel_ like that. 

“Why does it have to end?” she argued, tone more forceful than Krystal had been expecting.

“Like I just said,” Krystal began, trying not to let herself get upset. One of them had to be rational. “You’re going to get older and I’ll remain like this. I-”

“You could turn me,” Sunyoung remarked stubbornly, like she was daring Krystal to disagree. “Then I wouldn’t age either.”

The statement had Krystal freezing, panic flowing through her limbs and memories rushing at her until she had to close her eyes to try to get them to stop.

Turning Sunyoung…

Taking away her humanity because of how she felt for Krystal- how Krystal felt for _her_.

Old wounds started to sting, and Krystal shook her head forcefully. 

“No,” she said, voice flat despite the turmoil raging inside of her chest. “That’s not a good idea.”

“Why not?” Sunyoung demanded, not trying to mask her frustration or pain at all. “You turned Taemin.”

“That was different,” Krystal told her, feeling like the world was closing in around her. She couldn’t do that to Sunyoung. She didn’t want to lose her but- _No_. “He would have died.”

“But if I _say_ I want you to,” Sunyoung pressed, agitatedly ripping at her paper napkin. “I’m not saying I want that now. Or that I definitely will, but _if_. It’s a possibility.”

Krystal shook her head again, swallowing against the wave of nausea that rose up. She shouldn’t have allowed herself those h'orderves earlier. Human food never sat particularly well for her. 

“Why not?” Sunyoung demanded, a bit too loud. She shrunk down in embarrassment when she realized a few people were staring.

“Let’s go,” Krystal said, leaving enough money to cover their drink plus a generous tip on the table before she stood and grabbed Sunyoung’s hand in hers to lead her out of the bar. 

The way Sunyoung squeezed back told Krystal that she wasn’t angry with her, but rather scared of what she could lose. 

Krystal shared that fear as well, but there were layers of complexity that weighed her down even further. 

When they made it outside, Krystal didn’t let go of Sunyoung’s hand, and Sunyoung’s grip didn’t loosen.

They walked a few blocks in silence, the moon overhead and the headlights from passing cars reflecting off the damp sidewalk. 

If Krystal hadn’t been a vampire, she certainly would have immediately gotten them a cab since it was unduly dangerous for women to walk the streets of a city at night. But as it was, she could keep them safe. 

When they had to stop for traffic at an intersection before crossing the street, Sunyoung finally spoke. 

“If you want to be rid of me-”

“ _No_ ,” Krystal cut her off before she could even finish that thought. She turned to her, ignoring the light that told them they could safely walk. “That’s not it at all.”

Sunyoung looked unsure, eyes sad and vulnerable.

Instinct took over and Krystal leaned down to connect their lips, trying to express how much she didn’t want to lose her in the kiss. 

“I don’t want this to end,” Sunyoung said softly when they parted, fingers digging into Krystal’s biceps like she might try to walk away.

The statement had Krystal dizzy- too many emotions crashing down around her that she hardly knew which way was up.

Her mind warned her to tell Sunyoung that was impossible. She remembered the last time she had disregarded rationality and the mess that had befallen her then.

“I don’t either,” she confessed instead, watching emotion well up in Sunyoung’s eyes to know she wasn’t the only one.

Still, she should say that it had to end regardless of what they wanted. That no matter how-

But Sunyoung’s lips were on hers again, the world feeling like it was tilting under her feet. 

Instead of solving anything, bringing up the reality of their situation had only led to things being even more complicated.

Krystal could see why Taemin had been so concerned about her getting involved with Sunyoung to begin with, but now it was far too late to go back.

They were well past the point of no return.

 

\---

 

As she lay in the dark of her bedroom, music playing softly and eyes closed, Krystal almost wished she could sleep. She just wanted a brief reprieve from the thoughts swirling through her mind. 

But perhaps it was good that she couldn’t, because she felt she would have ended up with nightmares.

Sunyoung thought of being turned as a possibility. She thought that there was a chance that she would want to be turned into a vampire in order to be with Krystal for eternity. 

On its own, just like that, it was a heady thought. It was weighty in its implications, but it wasn’t something that would have caused such duress. 

But for Krystal, it did.

She didn’t like to think about it. Not ever. But Sunyoung talking about being turned for love had Krystal thinking back to when she was a human, thinking she was in love with a vampire, and wanting to be turned to be with him.

To be fair, the explanation of her turning that she gave to Sunyoung, and Taemin when he had asked many years ago, was also the truth. She really hadn’t been satisfied with the life that was set out for her as a woman. She had wanted more for herself than to be somebody’s wife. So that _did_ factor in heavily to her decision. 

Some days, Krystal wondered if she would have taken Joonmyun (just thinking the name had unease filling her chest) up on his offer to turn her even if she hadn’t been in love with him.

But she had been, so in her own arguments to herself in favor of being turned included wanting to be with him.

Krystal knew that people fell out of love all the time. It wasn’t that that haunted her about her past. It was the fact that it had all been so _sudden_.

When she had licked up the dark blood from Joonmyun’s wrist, she had been so full of affection for him that she could barely breathe. 

The next thing she knew, she was waking up with Joonmyun at her bedside, and though his smiling face had been welcome after her horrible nightmares, she hadn’t felt that deep pull in her chest like she had.

At the time, she had assumed it was because she had been turned. She had really thought that her affections would return when she started to feel like her body was her body again.

But that hadn’t happened. 

Even now, Krystal didn’t understand what had happened. 

Most of her theories just had her that much more adamantly against turning Sunyoung.

What if it really was being turned that changed her feelings? What if, somehow, the change in a person’s body erased any existing feelings of romantic love? It sounded a bit farfetched, but so did vampires, honestly. 

Or perhaps two vampires just couldn’t be in love. Maybe, after she was turned, Joonmyun hadn’t felt anything for her either, but he had just tried to make it work regardless while she hadn’t been able to pretend. Maybe there was something about two vampires together that made it impossible for love to flourish. Krystal hadn’t been around enough vampires to know if that was true, and she certainly wasn’t in love with Taemin. 

Even the chance that this theory was correct meant that she couldn’t turn Sunyoung. Krystal did not want Sunyoung to be a test subject for this hypothesis. If she turned her and then they no longer wanted to be together...Krystal would never forgive herself for ruining Sunyoung’s life. And Sunyoung would undoubtedly resent her for the rest of time. 

Krystal also had to consider that maybe she had just been young and impressionable and had gotten caught up in her first romance. Maybe she had never been in love with Joonmyun to begin with. 

She hated the thought that her own feelings were so untrustworthy. And, until meeting Sunyoung, Krystal had wondered if she had truly imagined what it was like to be in love. 

Had she really just gotten caught up in her own idea of a fairytale, Krystal felt a lot of guilt about letting Joonmyun down. He had been trying to make things work, and he really seemed to genuinely care about her. And yet Krystal had ignored him for years before leaving unceremoniously. 

She loathed to think that her own carelessness had caused pain for another. 

And that guilt had her afraid to hurt anyone again. Even getting involved with Sunyoung was more than she had ever intended to do because she didn’t trust herself to be in a position where another person’s emotions were at stake. And yet, here she was again.

Lastly, Krystal knew that there was a possibility that Joonmyun had used the lure on her to enhance her fondness for him and make her think it was love. That would explain why those intense feelings were gone when she became a vampire.

That was an option that Krystal had never even allowed herself to consider because it made her feel so stupid and used. The anger she would have felt at the time had that been true would have been enough to consume her, and she couldn’t have dealt with that. 

Now, with years between herself and her first decade as a vampire, she didn’t think she would be so angry. Especially since she had since realized that there was a chance she would have wanted to have been turned regardless of any strong feelings. But when everything was still fresh...no, Krystal hadn’t even been able to think of the possibility.

Perhaps, if that were the case, she and Sunyoung could at least discuss the possibility of Sunyoung being turned. Because then there would be no outside force working against them. And Krystal certainly hadn’t been using the lure on her. 

But she had no way of knowing. And even if she did, she wasn’t sure she wanted to know. 

At the time she left Joonmyun’s manor, she was convinced that it was best if she never knew. Now, she wasn’t so sure. 

However, there was one thing Krystal _was_ now sure of. She had to tell Sunyoung the truth, the _whole_ truth, about why she couldn’t bear to turn her. 

Sunyoung was willing to consider the possibility of becoming a vampire to be with Krystal.

The least Krystal could do was be honest with her. 

 

\---

 

Sunyoung was sitting on Krystal’s bed, legs tucked under her, looking like she belonged there.

Her smile as she told Krystal about a puppy that had been at the studio that day had Krystal wanting to put off yet another serious discussion in favor of just enjoying Sunyoung’s company.

But she knew her adamant refusal to even consider turning her had Sunyoung confused. It had shown in the tilt of her eyebrows when she came in, looking almost worried that Krystal wasn’t going to accept her kiss despite the fact that the last time they’d seen each other, Krystal had confessed that she didn’t want their relationship to end either.

“How was your day?” Sunyoung asked, looking at her expectantly like she didn’t know that Krystal's days simply consisted of staying in the confines of her apartment.

This was her opening.

“I...haven't been entirely honest with you,” she forced herself to say, watching the way Sunyoung’s posture stiffened. “I didn't tell you the full story about when I was turned. Not because I don't trust you, but because I just don't like thinking about it.”

Sunyoung was starting to look more concerned for Krystal and less worried that Krystal had been completely deceiving her.

“The vampire who turned me,” Krystal began. “I was in love with him. Or I thought I was. I don't know. But after he turned me, my feelings for him just...stopped. I don't know why, but they were gone.”

Sunyoung’s face was twisted in sympathy, brows furrowing deep as she reached out to clasp Krystal's hand with her own.

Krystal had never wanted sympathy- she was at least partially to blame for what had happened. But she didn’t totally hate having Sunyoung's concern.

“And that’s why you left?” Sunyoung guessed, voice soft.

“Eventually,” Krystal agreed. “I spent ten years in his manor. We barely spoke for nine.” 

“I’m sorry,” Sunyoung said gently, and Krystal believed her- believed that she was genuinely sorry that it had happened and that she wasn’t just saying so.

“It’s the past,” Krystal said. “But you see why I can’t turn you. I can’t take that risk.”

Sunyoung was quiet for a moment, seemingly lost in thought. Though her grip on Krystal’s hand remained tight.

“What if-” she spoke after a moment, thoughtful- careful. “What if he used the lure on you? To make you think you were in love with him? That would make sense why you wouldn’t feel anything for him after he turned you since you wouldn’t have been susceptible to the lure anymore.”

It was a logical guess. But there was no guarantee it was right.

“And you’ve never used the lure on me, right?” Sunyoung went on when Krystal didn’t immediately latch on to what she had said. “So, it wouldn’t be the same.”

“Of course I haven’t,” Krystal said, more forcefully than she had intended. 

Sunyoung squeezed her hand, reassuring. “I know you haven’t.”

“But...” Krystal started, chewing on her lower lip with some agitation. “That could be what happened, but we have no way of knowing for sure. It could be that, or it could be that two vampires aren’t meant to be together romantically. It could be that being turned changes you enough to change your emotions. I don’t know, and I’m not going to risk testing any of those theories on you. I couldn't do that to you.”

It seemed like Sunyoung was thinking again, so Krystal stayed quiet, hoping she understood that it wasn’t rejection that Krystal wouldn’t consider turning her. 

“Can’t you…” she paused, looking unsure of what she was about to say. “Can’t you ask him? The vampire who turned you? Is he still alive?”

The idea of talking to Joonmyun again had uneasiness creeping up in Krystal’s chest. Though the reaction was much less strong than it would have been in the past. 

“He is, I think,” Krystal told Sunyoung, voice sounding a bit hollow to her own ears. “Last I heard, about fifty or so years ago, he was still living in the same place, overseas. But I haven’t had any contact with him directly since I left.”

Sunyoung nodded in understanding, scooting closer to Krystal on the bed to nuzzle into her shoulder as she spoke. 

Krystal didn’t mind the extra affection. It had the anxiety swirling in her ebbing slightly.

Her arm went out to wrap around Sunyoung’s shoulders out of instinct, and Sunyoung moved even closer.

“Don’t you think it would be worth it?” Sunyoung tried, voice soft and gentle. “Not for my sake...though I suppose it would shed some light on that situation as well. But for you? To know what really happened? It obviously still bothers you. Maybe if you could find out and put it behind you?”

In past, or maybe even any time before she had met Sunyoung, Krystal wouldn’t have wanted to speak with Joonmyun, even to get closure. Not because she hated him, because she didn’t. But because he reminded her of a time in her life when she’d been confused, depressed, and more lonely than she had been even when she had been traveling alone. 

There was also the guilt that rose up when she thought about his efforts and her rebuffs. She didn’t know how much of it was her fault, but that didn’t stop her from trying to figure out what she had done wrong. 

“I...I’m not sure,” Krystal admitted.

Sunyoung wasn’t wrong in thinking that Krystal needed some sort of closure. But there was the possibility that speaking with Joonmyun would only reopen old wounds and do nothing to help her close that chapter of her life. 

It would be a risk.

“You don’t have to decide now,” Sunyoung told her, lifting her head to press a dry, soft kiss to Krystal’s cheek.

Krystal turned her head and caught Sunyoung’s lips in an equally chaste kiss. 

“You don’t have to make a decision for my sake,” Sunyoung added, letting Krystal pull her with her as she laid down and let the softness of her bedding cradle them both.

“Thank you,” Krystal murmured, lips against Sunyoung’s hair as they lay curled together against the pile of fluffy pillows. 

Krystal wasn’t sure what, specifically, she was thanking her for, but she was sure that she needed to. 

Sunyoung hummed, the sound like warm honey.

“Of course.”

 

\---

 

“Are you sure?” Krystal asked, palms skating up Sunyoung's bare waist.

They’d gone out to the movies- some romantic comedy Sunyoung wanted to see. Krystal didn’t so much watch the movie as she watched Sunyoung watch the movie, but that was fine by her. Though Sunyoung kept catching her and elbowing her to look at the screen, giggling just the same. 

Afterwards, when Sunyoung had been pressed against her as they tried to hail a cab, Sunyoung had offered something she hadn’t offered before- for Krystal to go back to her apartment with her. 

Maybe it was just because Taemin wasn’t out and Sunyoung’s wandering hands during slow parts of the movie indicated just how much she was wanting. 

But Krystal felt like it was an important step, regardless.

When she’s asked about it before, Sunyoung had waved her off, making some self deprecating joke about the size of her studio apartment compared to Krystal’s penthouse. Of course Krystal had pointed out that she had had absolutely nothing to her name when she was in her twenties (her _actual_ twenties), and Sunyoung had teased her that saying things like that made her sound positively _ancient_. But that was the last they’d discussed going to Sunyoung’s apartment. Krystal hadn’t wanted to press the issue since it seemed to make Sunyoung uncomfortable. 

So being led into the space that Sunyoung called home felt important and intimate in a way that even sex hadn’t.

It was small, as most studios were, but it was nice. Much nicer than anywhere Krystal had slept when she had first set out on her own. There was a queen sized bed tucked in the far corner with a fluffy white comforter and a plethora of colored pillows. A small writing desk was near the door and there were shelves lining the walls to the left, filled with books, trinkets, and framed pictures of Sunyoung and a variety of different, smiling people. There was a small kitchenette and a little closet next to the almost equally small bathroom. But what had caught Krystal’s eye were the framed pieces of art hanging on the walls. 

Obviously, none of them were by well-known artists like the ones Krystal had in her apartment, but that didn’t mean they weren’t as visually captivating. There were a couple of drawings- pastel landscapes with angular lines that kept the eye moving. Hanging by the kitchen table there were some color portraits- the subjects shot against flat, colored backdrops and the light making them almost look like they were made of shiny plastic.

But the shots over Sunyoung’s bed, printed a little smaller and in black and white, were what Krystal gravitated to. Much of the frame was filled with black, negative space, with the subject off to the side or tucked into the corner. The subject appeared to be a young woman with long hair and light, flowy clothing, but no details were distinguishable because the woman was blurred- like the shutter speed had been low and the woman had been moving. 

“Who took these?” Krystal had asked, eyes still taking in the ethereal loneliness that seems to emanate from the photographs.

“I did,” Sunyoung had told her shyly, looking nervous when Krystal had glanced back at her like she was worried Krystal was fixating on them because she didn’t like them. 

“They’re gorgeous,” Krystal had told her, feeling her own chest nearly burst with affection at the gleaming smile that had spread across Sunyoung’s face at the praise. And even though Krystal treasured that smile, her compliment had been sincere. 

Sunyoung had agreed to print copies for Krystal, though she’d joked that they would look sad hanging next to all the great art that Krystal already had. 

“Right next to the Bacon, right?” Sunyoung had teased, shrugging out of her light jacket. 

“Of course not,” Krystal replied, light headed with the heat of Sunyoung pressed against her front. “They’re going to go in my bedroom. Just for me.”

Sunyoung had looked surprised at that, but Krystal was kissing her before she could argue that they weren’t worthy or something. Because they _were_.

But whether or not Sunyoung realized her talent was not at the forefront of Krystal’s mind currently, not after she and Sunyoung had ended up in Sunyoung’s bed, devoid of clothing and bodies yearning for more contact, _more_.

Even more pressing of an issue was the fact that Sunyoung was tilting her head to the side, exposing the smooth skin of her neck to Krystal’s hungry eyes. She had fed four days prior, but this wasn’t about quelling her hunger. This was about intimacy and trust and how just thought of tasting Sunyoung had Krystal’s head feeling light. The fact that Sunyoung trusted her enough for this…

“ _Yes_ , I’m sure,” Sunyoung said, sounding half aroused and half frustrated that Krystal kept on asking. “You said most people think it feels good, right?”

“Most, yes,” Krystal agreed, trailing a finger along Sunyoung’s throat and feeling the way she shivered. “Or it just doesn’t feel like much at all.”

“I’m sure,” Sunyoung repeated. “Please.”

Krystal knew that Sunyoung had had time to think this through. She also knew that there wasn’t any danger in feeding from her. But there was a little voice in the back of her head wondering if Sunyoung would feel differently about her when she had truly seen what Krystal was. Perhaps vampire was okay in theory, but after experiencing it firsthand, Sunyoung would be horrified.

However, Sunyoung had made it very clear what she wanted, and Krystal wanted it too, so without giving herself any more time to overthink, Krystal leaned down and sunk her incisors into the previously unmarred skin of of Sunyoung’s neck.

As Krystal began to draw Sunyoung’s blood into her body, Sunyoung’s hands came up to clutch tightly at Krystal’s shoulders- nails biting into the flesh. A trembling little huff escaped Sunyoung’s lips, and Krystal was slammed with arousal as she felt the way her bite was affecting Sunyoung. 

“ _Oh_ ,” Sunyoung gasped, arching into Krystal’s body as Krystal slowed her intake to prolong the experience without taking too much. 

Sunyoung was trembling, thighs rubbing together and fingers still holding on tight. The fact that she knew Sunyoung was craving stimulation she couldn’t get from being fed from was what motivated Krystal to pull back and lick over the small puncture wounds, watching as they closed up before her eyes.

“ _Krystal_ ,” Sunyoung begged, eyes dark and pleading when they met hers before she tipped her head back. 

Sunyoung widened her thighs and Krystal was quick to cup her dripping arousal- wet smearing against her palm and the heat making her moan. 

Using the back of her free hand to wipe her mouth, Krystal pressed her lips to Sunyoung’s as she slid her middle finger inside of her. 

Sunyoung whimpered into the kiss, body clenching around Krystal’s finger. 

They’d only slept together a handful of times, but Krystal could tell that being fed from had worked Sunyoung up enough that she was already close- breaths huffing against Krystal’s lips and hips working against Krystal’s hand. 

Adding a second finger, Krystal pressed the heel of her hand against Sunyoung’s clit- swallowing the broken moan it elicited and enjoying the way Sunyoung trembled against her. 

Head tossed back and a choked cry escaping her lips, Sunyoung climaxed around Krystal’s fingers body clenching and pulsing and echoing the throbs Krystal could feel between her own legs, desperate for stimulation. 

Hips working and chest heaving, Sunyoung rode out her orgasm- still trembling as she caught her breath and Krystal’s ministrations slowed. 

Krystal was waiting for Sunyoung to regain her bearings before she asked her how she’d felt about being fed from. It was pretty clear that her body had enjoyed it, but Krystal still wanted to make sure that she had felt mentally and emotionally good about it too. 

But before she could, Sunyoung had rolled onto her side to crash her lips into Krystal’s, kissing her deeply as her fingers made their way between Krystal’s legs. 

Gasping, Krystal widened her legs so Sunyoung had more room- fingers swirling through her wetness and making her head spin. 

Sunyoung was relentless, sucking on Krystal’s tongue as she rubbed her clit- not giving Krystal even a second to gather her wits .

It was like that that Krystal came mere moments later, whimpering into Sunyoung’s mouth as her release crested and her body pulsed. 

“I think I like making you fall apart,” Sunyoung said, lips curving up in a playful smirk after Krystal had come down.

“You _think_?” Krystal demanded, teasing.

Sunyoung chuckled. “Okay, I definitely do.”

Krystal laughed, reaching out to cup Sunyoung’s cheek as she pressed a chaste kiss to her lips. 

“So, the feeding was okay?” Krystal asked even though she’d have rather just kept kissing Sunyoung forever. 

“Oh my _god_ ,” Sunyoung groaned, rolling onto her back and covering her face with her hands. “It was incredible.”

“I’m glad,” Krystal said, relieved. 

“I didn’t totally know what to expect,” Sunyoung admitted, uncovering her face and turning to look at Krystal again. “But _wow_.”

Smiling, Krystal accepted another kiss from Sunyoung.

“I guess you can’t stay?” Sunyoung said when she pulled back long hair falling over her bare shoulders and the corners of her lips pulled down. “Because of the sun in the morning?”

It was true. Krystal had been planning to leave shortly, but with Sunyoung’s warmth pressed against her, she didn’t really feel like getting up and dressed. 

“I can stay for a bit,” she conceded, unable to help returning the brilliant grin Sunyoung shot her. 

She’d still have to leave before the sun came up, but that was hours away.

For now, she could stay in Sunyoung’s bed, in Sunyoung’s embrace. 

Talk of the future hadn’t come up, and Krystal knew it was because Sunyoung was giving her time to think. And she was.

But right then, there was no thinking. Right then, all she wanted was to enjoy Sunyoung dozing against her shoulder.

Thinking could wait.

 

\---

 

Taemin was gaping at her, and Krystal huffed, uncomfortable under the scrutiny.

“ _What_?” she demanded, wanting Taemin to at least say _something_. 

In light of all the thinking she’d been doing about how she’d been turned, she had decided to finally tell Taemin the truth, hoping he might have something useful to offer on the subject.

So far, he was just staring at her. 

“Why didn’t you tell me that in the first place? I can’t believe Joonmyun is the one who turned you! I’ve _heard_ of him. He’s a big deal,” he complained, pouting at her across the table. “What else have you kept from me? Is Krystal even your real name?”

Krystal rolled her eyes. “I didn’t tell you before because I just didn’t want to think about it or talk about it.”

“Why are you telling me now, then?”

“Because...Sunyoung was asking about the possibility of me turning her someday, and I told her I couldn’t because I don’t know what it was that made my feelings change when I got turned,” Krystal explained, watching the way Taemin’s eyes widened when she mentioned turning Sunyoung. 

“She wants you to turn her?” Taemin asked, gaping. “Are you going to?”

“I don’t _know_ ,” she sighed, running her fingers through her hair agitatedly. “It wouldn’t be now regardless. I don’t even know if it’s a _possibility_ because I don’t know what happened when I was turned. Was it an effect of the change that made me fall out of love? Is it something about two vampires together? Did he use the lure on me?”

“You have to ask him,” Taemin said simply, like it was the obvious answer. 

Perhaps it was.

“But-”

“If you’re thinking about turning her, you have to find out if he used the lure or not,” Taemin interrupted. “You don’t have to wonder if you just _ask_.”

It was so logical that Krystal couldn’t even argue. Since when was Taemin so obviously _right_? 

Then again, since when had Krystal been so irrational?

It was a very unusual situation.

“I don’t even know if he’s in the same place,” Krystal tried, feeling anxious at the thought of seeing Joonmyun again after all these years. 

“I can probably find out,” Taemin said, pulling out his phone and presumably texting someone- probably a vampire he had met at some point. They both had the numbers of a few of the more higher up vampires they had come across. It was just smart to have those contacts, just in case.

Truthfully, Krystal probably could have used her own contacts to ask about Joonmyun’s whereabouts at any point, but she had never wanted to. Someone she knew probably even had his phone number, if she had ever wished to call. That was kind of an unsettling thought since she had been so keen to distance herself.

“Yep, still living in the same place overseas,” Taemin announced a few minutes later, looking proud of himself despite how easy it had been to acquire that information. 

Krystal didn’t respond, too busy trying to calm herself in the face of what she had been avoiding.

“You have to go, you know,” Taemin said, gentler than before. Apparently Krystal’s distress was obvious. 

She nodded, knowing it was true. Taemin was right. If she hadn’t been feeling so nervous, she might have made a joke about the novelty of the situation.

“Do you want me to come with you?” Taemin offered, brows pinched with worry when Krystal looked up at him again.

“No, that’s okay,” she said, unable to help the way her lips curved up in a small smile. Of all the people she could have ended up up turning, and subsequently ending up tied to, she was pretty glad it had been Taemin. Even if she wasn’t planning on voicing that so plainly. “I should probably deal with this myself. But thanks.”

She ruffled Taemin’s hair when she got up from the table, needing to be alone to think. And prepare herself for what lay ahead. 

Taemin was on his feet, hugging her, before she could even step away. 

They weren’t typically very physically affectionate with each other. Krystal could probably count the number of times they’d hugged on one hand. But it was a welcome comfort, and Krystal let herself relax into the embrace. 

“Thanks,” she said again when they separated, Taemin smiling at her brightly.

“You can do it!” he encouraged, and Krystal laughed. 

If only it was so simple.

But she _would_ do it. Because she had to.

It had been a long time coming. 

 

\---

 

“I’m going,” Krystal blurted out when Sunyoung stepped off the elevator into her apartment. 

They’d planned for a relaxing evening in- watching a movie maybe, definitely having sex. Krystal had wanted to sit down, ask how Sunyoung’s day had been, and ease into the conversation. But having been unable to think about anything but going to speak with Joonmyun since she had decided, and even before, Krystal couldn’t help but get it out in the open right away. 

She didn’t think she was capable of having casual conversation when all she could think about were the what if’s of the impending meeting she was going to have. At least, if she was behaving strangely, Sunyoung would know why and not think it was something she’d done. 

Still, Krystal wished she’d managed to wait until Sunyoung got her shoes off. 

“Going?” Sunyoung repeated, understandably confused given the lack of context. 

“Overseas,” Krystal said, and then went on to clarify further. “To talk to the vampire who turned me.”

Sunyoung’s brows shot up before her face settled into a more gentle concern. 

“When?” Sunyoung asked, stepping closer and letting Krystal pull her in for a hug.

“I’m still finalizing plans,” Krystal said, speaking against Sunyoung’s shoulder, “but probably next week. I just want to get it over with.”

Sunyoung hummed in understanding, tightening her arms around Krystal’s middle and comfortingly running her hands up and down her back. 

“How are you doing?” Sunyoung asked when she pulled back a little to look at Krystal’s face, eyes searching Krystal’s and making her feel like Sunyoung was the older one of the two of them, for a moment- like she wasn’t roughly 225 years her senior.

“Anxious, honestly,” Krystal admitted. “But I need to do it. You were right.”

Sunyoung’s lips pulled up in a small smile, gently cupping Krystal’s cheek with a warm palm. 

The kiss they shared wasn’t overly chaste, but it wasn’t overflowing with want either. It was strength and reassurance and something maybe close to love.

Krystal had never known a kiss that could hold so much.

“No matter what he says,” Sunyoung told her later when they were snuggled up on the couch under a blanket that Krystal didn’t need, but Sunyoung liked, “don’t worry about me, okay? If he says it wasn’t the lure and that turning someone you’re in love with will never work, it’s okay. At least you’ll know, finally.”

The world _love_ , though technically describing what Krystal had thought she’d felt for Joonmyun before he turned her, had a jolt going through her. Because while Sunyoung wasn’t saying she loved her, it was implied that she _could_. 

Krystal was afraid to use the term _love_ to describe her feelings, but it was there in her periphery like a reminder that she shouldn’t be so adamant to discredit its existence. 

“I know me asking about being turned kind of put this all into motion,” Sunyoung went on, warm fingertips trailing over the smooth and temperate skin of Krystal’s forearm, “but this is about you, okay? The main goal is for you to get closure. And if you can put everything behind you after talking to him, then it was a success, no matter what he says.”

Nodding, Krystal let her head rest against Sunyoung’s shoulder- allowing the comfort of Sunyoung’s presence to help quell her nerves. 

So much hinged on what Joonmyun would tell her. Sunyoung was right in that the main aim had to be for Krystal to get answers that she had been needing for years.

But Sunyoung’s support and understanding just had Krystal realizing how much she didn’t want to hear that being together forever would be impossible. 

They were nowhere near being able to make that kind of decision, but Krystal had to acknowledge that she yearned for it to be a decision that they would be able to make themselves and not one that would be made for them. 

Sunyoung’s lips against her temple were soothing, but Krystal couldn’t quite forget just how much was on the line. 

 

\---

 

Krystal stared out the window of the cab- buildings, towns, and people passing by where there used to be only trees, fields, and wildlife. The area had certainly been built up since she had last been there. She barely recognized it.

She’d considered paying a visit to where her family home used to be, but ultimately decided against it. Seeing it changed too much or gone completely wasn’t going to help her get closure. She would rather remember it as it had been- surrounded by beautiful gardens, and beyond that, fields of wildflowers that she and her sister would run through in the summers when they were young. Krystal liked to think that that was still how it was. And that maybe there were sisters who lived there now who played like they had and were making happy memories inside the old stone walls. 

The flight over had been long and anxiety-filled, Krystal barely able to sit still as she’d worried about everything that could go wrong. She didn’t even know what would constitute as going right. 

At least she hadn’t had to deal with flying commercially and having to make sure she didn’t come into contact with the sun at any point. That would have only added stress. Fortunately, one of the vampires she knew, an extremely successful businesswoman who went by Victoria, had a private plane that she had told Krystal she could use if she ever needed it. It had been twenty years since she’d offered, and she’d upgraded to a nicer plane since, but she was more than happy to let Krystal use it. She had even met Krystal on the tarmac to see her off and wish her luck with whatever business she had overseas. 

But after the kiss on the cheek and the well wishes from Victoria, Krystal had descended into all her worries that hadn’t let her go from the time she took off to right then, sitting in the back of the cab.

“We’re here, miss,” the cabdriver said, pulling into the gravel driveway next to the building Krystal knew so well. 

The stone manor loomed before Krystal, looking the same as it had all those years ago. The area around it had certainly changed, but its regal presence was just as it had been the day Krystal had left it.

This was it. 

After paying the driver and climbing from the car, Krystal slowly walked up the stone steps that led to the big double doors- the heels of her black ankle boots sounding extraordinarily loud as she ascended. 

Krystal knocked on the door, tense as she heard footsteps approach.

She had no idea who was going to answer it. It was after nightfall, so it could be Joonmyun on the other side of the door for all she knew. It could be anyone. She wasn’t expected, so maybe he wasn’t even home. 

Maybe-

The door opened to reveal a young-looking woman whom Krystal had never seen before. She had been hoping it would be Yerim, but she had expected that Yerim probably would have moved on by then.

“May I help you?” the woman asked. She was a vampire, Krystal could tell, so her young looks meant nothing in regards to her true age.

Perhaps she was Joonmyun’s lover. Or she could have been Yerim’s replacement. Krystal had no idea and she wasn’t going to just ask.

“Is Joonmyun home?” 

“I don’t think he’s expecting anyone,” the woman said, looking like she was getting ready to tell Krystal to go away. Joonmyun never _had_ liked uninvited guests.

“I know,” Krystal informed her coolly. “He’s not expecting me. But would you mind telling him that Krystal is here to see him?”

The woman hesitated, full lower lip caught between her teeth as she seemed to be weighing her options.

“Come in and wait in the foyer,” she finally said, opening the door wider for Krystal to step through. “I’ll tell him you’re here.”

Krystal thanked her and stood in the entryway that she hadn’t seen in years. The manor had been updated for modern times with electrical outlets built into the walls and tungsten lights, instead of lanterns, lighting the space, but it mostly looked the same. If she craned her neck, she could nearly see her old bedroom door at the top of the grand staircase.

“Please come this way,” the woman beckoned, reappearing before Krystal and leading her to the drawing room where a fire was burning in the hearth as it typically had been when Krystal had lived there. 

And Joonmyun, in dress pants, a button up shirt, and a nice sweater, was sitting in front of the dancing flames, looking just the same as Krystal remembered him. Of course, his hair was cut shorter and styled back from his face, and his ensemble looked more fitting for the 1930’s, perhaps, than the eighteenth century, but he had the same piercing eyes, same pale skin, same sculpted face. 

“Krystal,” he said, disbelief in his voice, like even after this woman had told her that Krystal was there, he hadn’t really expected her to walk into the room.

“Joonmyun,” Krystal replied with a polite nod. 

“Thank you, Joy,” Joonmyun directed at the woman hovering in the doorway. “Please leave us.”

The woman, Joy, nodded, and left, though Krystal could tell she wanted to stay to see why Krystal had come. 

“Please sit,” Joonmyun told her, his unwavering gaze back on her now. 

Krystal complied, sitting on the same velvet chaise that she has sat on with Yerim as they read side by side years before. The only noticeable difference in the room was the art on the walls- Krystal recognized pieces from some well known artists. Apparently she wasn’t the only one who had been investing in art.

Joonmyun set his book aside and fixed his attention on Krystal who was shifting on the couch, feeling both at home and out of place all at once. It was strange to be in this room in black jeans and a black leather jacket instead of in a circle skirt and corset or a chemise and housecoat.

“How have you been?” Joonmyun asked, congenial as always.

She wasn’t sure why, but Krystal had been half expecting him to greet her with anger- resenting her for leaving. But he didn’t appear to be harboring any ill will toward her. 

“I have been well, thank you,” Krystal replied, overly formal and stilted, though that’s how they had mostly communicated after she had been turned. “And yourself?”

“I have been fine,” he said with a nod and a cordial smile. “Last I heard you were living overseas? Your accent has changed.”

That was true. Though Krystal could feel herself almost slipping into her old patterns of speech.

“I have been living overseas for over a century now,” she confirmed, unsure of how much she should elaborate. 

Joonmyun’s eyes widened. Perhaps he hadn’t realized just how soon after leaving his estate she had left the country. 

“And you’ve done well for yourself?” he asked, quickly rewording. “I didn’t mean for that to come off as though I was doubting.”

Krystal shook her head to illustrate that she wasn’t offended. “I have, yes,” she agreed. Did he want details? Did she want to give him details?

“Hey, Joonmyun, I-”

A male voice interrupted Krystal’s train of thought and had both of them looking to where the voice had come from.

Standing just inside the door was a man, probably around Joonmyun’s height, with soft looking brown hair, broad shoulders, and a surprised look on his face- likely not having expected to find a random vampire in the drawing room, talking to Joonmyun. 

The man was definitely a vampire, though in his ripped skinny jeans and big t-shirt, he looked like he belonged in today’s world, rather than nearly a century back like Joonmyun did. 

Most surprising, however, was the fact that Krystal _recognized_ him. 

“Wait,” she said before she could stop herself. “I know you.”

Recognition crossed the man’s face, and then he was stepping forward with a rectangular looking grin.

“Yes, I do believe we know each other in the biblical sense,” he said, eyes dancing with amusement. “Byun Baekhyun. Nice to see you again.”

Krystal shook his proffered hand, all at once remembering why she knew him. He was the last human she’d fed from before she left the manor! 

But he was definitely not human anymore. 

Her eyes went instinctively to Joonmyun, seeking answers. However, Joonmyun was looking at Baekhyun, not her, with noticeable tension in his jaw. 

“Do you need something?” Joonmyun asked, obviously wanting to convey to Baekhyun that he wanted him to leave.

“Not important,” Baekhyun shrugged, looking back and forth between Krystal and Joonmyun. “It can wait. I’ll leave you to it.”

Bidding her goodbye, Baekhyun made for the door- Joonmyun’s attention back on Krystal before Baekhyun even disappeared from view.

But Krystal saw the way his genial smile dropped as he looked back at Joonmyun before stepping out into the hall, something vulnerable in his eyes. 

“Why is he a vampire now?” Krystal asked, eyes back on Joonmyun.

“I went out looking for a meal shortly after you left,” Joonmyun answered seeming more standoffish than before with his eyes on the fire dancing in the hearth instead of on her. “I found Baekhyun and brought him back here. I guess he didn’t have anything to go back to, so he never wanted to leave. When I suggested turning him, he was enthusiastic about the idea.”

Krystal wondered if that was the full story. At the very least, she had to assume that it was no coincidence that the last human she had fed from, whom Joonmyun had seen leave her room, was the same one Joonmyun brought back for himself. 

But that wasn’t why she was here. That was none of her business. 

“Why have you come?” Joonmyun asked her, apparently also deciding that Baekhyun’s presence was none of her business. 

“I have a question,” she told him, preparing herself for whatever answer he gave.

Joonmyun nodded to show he was listening. 

“Before you turned me,” Krystal began, steeling herself. “Did you use the lure on me?”

Gaze shuttering, Joonmyun looked back at the fire, a sigh escaping his lips. 

Since vampires weren’t constantly breathing like humans, Krystal knew it was an affectation. 

“Please tell me the truth,” she implored when Joonmyun seemed to be hesitating. “I came all the way here.”

“I never swayed you with the lure in regards to the choice of being turned,” Joonmyun answered, finally looking at her again.

Krystal shook her head. “That’s not what I’m asking.” 

Joonmyun closed his eyes, the muscles in his jaw visibly tightening. 

His reaction said it all, but she still needed to hear it. 

“I did,” he finally said, voice soft and eyebrows pinched as he opened his eyes to look at her again. “I thought that your interest in me would turn into love eventually if I could just get you here. I’m sorry.”

It was the answer that Krystal had been afraid of all those years ago. Back then, knowing that he had played with her emotions would have had her filled with anger, sadness, and mistrust. Now...now it was almost a relief to just _know_.

Krystal felt as though she should probably be angry, but she just...wasn’t. And that was genuine remorse in Joonmyun’s voice. She believed that he was sorry.

She nodded. 

“Thank you for being honest,” she said, and Joonmyun looked at her, surprised, like he had expected her to shout or cry or tell him he was terrible. 

Krystal felt almost numb, sitting across from the man who had turned her and finally getting the truth. But it wasn’t quite numbness. It felt like...peace. 

She knew that, had Joonmyun not deceived her, she likely would not have run away for him. And while she felt regret that she had left her family for a man she didn’t turn out to love, she knew that she had truly been desperate for a way out of the life that was expected of her. Maybe she’d have ended up running anyway. Maybe she would have asked Joonmyun to turn her in order to escape her fate. Maybe that would have caused them both less pain. 

But it was what it was. It was all in the past, and Krystal wasn’t miserable with where she was now. With the closure of what had happened between her and Joonmyun, maybe she could even be _happy_.

Then there was Sunyoung, and the viable possibility of turning her someday if Sunyoung wanted that. But that was something she didn’t need to be thinking of then. 

Just being at peace with what had happened in the past was enough for that moment.

“That’s all?” Joonmyun asked, still seeming gobsmacked by her reaction. 

“Would you like me to hit you?” Krystal asked, lips quirking in amusement when Joonmyun’s eyes widened before he realized that she was kidding. 

“I’d deserve it,” he replied seriously. 

Krystal hummed in agreement, and Joonmyun actually chuckled.

Some of the tension seemed to drain out of the room. 

“Do you mind if I ask what you’ve been doing?” Joonmyun asked after a moment of neither of them speaking. His tone was conversational, and Krystal figured that there was no reason they couldn’t catch up a bit before she left. She’d come all the way here.

“I travelled around for the first hundred years, or so,” she began. “After that, I met my business partner and we started investing. We live comfortably in a penthouse apartment and I collect art as both a hobby and an investment. He plays video games and gets on my nerves.” Krystal chuckled. “It’s not bad.”

Joonmyun’s eyes twinkled in amusement at her joke, and Krystal found herself sitting back comfortably instead of sitting like she was ready to leap up at any second.

“This business partner,” Joonmyun started, looking curious. “Are you and he…”

Krystal snorted. “Definitely no.”

Joonmyun laughed, maybe a little relieved at that. Krystal hadn’t been planning on mentioning Sunyoung anyway. Sunyoung was for her to know about- a little light in her chest that warmed her when she thought of her smile. That wasn’t important for Joonmyun to know. That was just for her. 

“He’s a vampire?” Joonmyun wondered, also looking more relaxed. “How did you meet him?”

“It’s kind of a long story,” she hedged, deciding to skip over the part where she’d slept with and fed from Taemin. “I saw him get stabbed, and the only chance he had at survival was if I turned him...so I did.”

Joonmyun looked impressed, as though he hadn’t done the same with Yerim. 

“Lucky that you ended up getting along with him well enough for him to become your business partner,” Joonmyun observed. 

“It was lucky,” Krystal agreed, smile tugging at her lips. “How about you?”

“Same old,” Joonmyun told her. “My land investments have served me quite well. Still living comfortably. Yerim saved up enough to go out on her own maybe one hundred years ago. I met Joy when I was out looking for food once. She was a vampire down on her luck so I offered her a position.”

“And Baekhyun?” Krystal pressed, still having a lot of questions about that for a number of reasons. 

Joonmyun shrugged. “Like I said, he wasn’t in a good place when I met him, and he wanted to be turned. It’s been nice to have him around, honestly. Especially after Yerim left and before I met Joy. It would have been quite lonely around here.”

“Are you two involved at all…?” Krystal couldn’t help but ask. 

“Uh…” Joonmyun trailed off, laughing awkwardly. “We’re not...in a relationship, but…”

But they were having sex. Krystal could read between the lines there. 

Krystal couldn’t help but think of the look Baekhyun had given Joonmyun before he’d left the room- the look that Joonmyun had missed completely. 

But after 200 years, surely he knew?

“It’s, uh, nice to have him around,” Joonmyun said again.

“He’s in love with you though,” Krystal blurted out before she could stop herself, frankly a little surprised at the look of complete confusion she was met with.

“Why would you say that?” Joonmyun asked with a laugh, clearly thinking that she was mistaken.

“Because he _is_ ,” Krystal insisted, glancing toward the door as though Baekhyun might barge in to tell her to be quiet. Or to tell Joonmyun he was an idiot. 

Neither happened. 

“He’s not in l-”

“Joonmyun,” Krystal interrupted, leveling Joonmyun with a serious look. “I never use the lure unless I absolutely _have_ to. I rely completely on my ability to read people. Trust me.”

Joonmyun still didn’t look entirely convinced. Though that wasn’t surprising. He’d always been stubborn.

“I’ll look into it,” he finally said, and though Krystal had no idea what that even meant in regards to someone else’s feelings, she decided to let it go. For as many questions as she still had about the situation, it really wasn’t her business. “Are you sure the vampire you sired isn’t in love with you?” Joonmyun asked, seemingly trying to lighten the mood again.

Despite herself, Krystal snorted. “Quite sure, thank you.”

They spoke a bit more about what they had been up to and spent quite some time discussing the art that was lining the walls of the drawing room. Krystal had never been a huge Rothko fan, but it did make sense that Joonmyun had multiple pieces of his work. And they managed to find common ground when discussing Géricault for some time.

By the time Krystal had to leave to avoid the sunrise, she was feeling lighter- freer- than she had when she had arrived. 

She was no longer haunted by unanswered questions that she dared not even consider. 

Knowing that she had been manipulated wasn’t a good feeling, but she was at least able to put the issue to rest, finally. And even though she hadn’t meant to, she had carried around a great deal of guilt regarding the disintegration of her and Joonmyun’s relationship, wondering if it was all her fault that it had fallen apart. But now she knew for a fact that it wasn’t. She hadn’t realized how heavy the guilt had been weighing on her until it was gone. 

She would spend the day in her hotel room and then fly back home at nightfall. 

For once, the seemingly endless span of time stretching out before didn’t feel so hopeless and daunting. 

Krystal felt rejuvenated and ready to face the future. 

It was the possibilities that seemed endless. 

 

\---

 

Sunyoung greeted her like she’d been gone for weeks instead of days- arms thrown around her neck and her face buried in her shoulder before she even stepped aside to let Krystal into her apartment. 

When she finally loosened her grip, she smiled a bit sheepishly, leading Krystal inside and closing the door behind her. 

“I want to know how it went,” Sunyoung told her, “but-”

Sunyoung’s lips were on hers then- tongue tracing along her teeth like Sunyoung was trying to relearn her from the inside out.

Chuckling, Sunyoung stepped back again after she’d broken the kiss.

“Okay, now that that’s out of the way,” she joked, the look in her eyes a mix between happiness and anxiousness. 

Despite her assurances that it didn’t matter what Joonmyun said, Krystal knew that Sunyoung didn’t want to hear that there was no possible way for them to be together beyond a brief interim. She didn’t want Krystal to tell her that she couldn’t be turned. 

“I want to hear everything,” Sunyoung told her, smiling at her hopefully. “Should we sit?”

Krystal nodded and allowed Sunyoung to pull her over to the bed.

Sunyoung was cradling a pillow to her chest as she waited for Krystal to tell her the news.

It was probably best to get the part over with that had Sunyoung’s fingers clutching tight to the pillow. There was no need to leave her in suspense.

“I’m glad I went,” she told her first, not wanting the next part to make Sunyoung feel too bad for her. But before Sunyoung could respond, Krystal continued, “He used the lure.”

Sunyoung’s mouth dropped open, her face a mix of emotions. Krystal could relate.

“So…”

“So, it wasn’t being turned that made me fall out of love,” Krystal said. “I was never in love. He just made me think I was.”

“Oh, Krystal,” Sunyoung breathed, sadness filling her eyes as she scooted closer to put a hand on Krystal's knee. “I’m so sorry.”

Despite the fact that this meant that Krystal could possibly turn Sunyoung one day, Sunyoung was more concerned with the injustice that had been done to Krystal all those years ago.

The warmth and fondness that filled Krystal had her almost light-headed.

Taemin, when Krystal had told him, asked if Krystal wanted him to fly overseas to punch Joonmyun in the face. Krystal had politely declined the suggestion, though the offer was strangely touching.

“It’s okay,” Krystal said, shaking her head. “It was so long ago. And you were right. I really do feel a lot better just _knowing_.”

Sunyoung nodded, appearing a bit less horrified on Krystal's behalf upon the confirmation that she was feeling okay about it. 

“How did he react to you asking?” Sunyoung wondered. “Was he angry?”

“No,” Krystal told her. “He seemed like he was expecting _me_ to be angry. Honestly, I was too, but...it's been a long time.”

Sunyoung nodded sympathetically, reaching out to intertwine their fingers. 

“We caught up a little after that,” Krystal went on, feeling happiness wash over her to be there with Sunyoung, with the latter squeezing her hand and listening to every word she said like it there was nothing she’d rather be doing. “It was nice. He’s not a bad guy.”

Sunyoung didn’t seem convinced, but Krystal couldn’t blame her.

“You’re really glad you went?” Sunyoung asked, eyes searching Krystal’s.

“I am,” Krystal confirmed, unable to help pressing a chaste kiss to Sunyoung’s lips, making both of them smile. “Thank you for giving me the push.”

Shaking her head like she couldn't take credit for any of it, Sunyoung accepted another kiss. And then another.

“So,” Krystal went on, wanting to tell Sunyoung what she was tactfully not asking, “in the future, if you want, being turned is a possibility. Not for now. Not if you don’t ever want that. But if-”

“That’s all I wanted,” Sunyoung interrupted, cupping Krystal's cheek with her warm palm. “Just the possibility. Just to know that we weren't doomed from the start.”

“We’re not,” Krystal said, Sunyoung's blinding smile contagious. Filled with happiness, Krystal met Sunyoung’s eyes as they both laughed in disbelief and giddiness before sinking into a kiss with Sunyoung’s breath huffing against her lips and Krystal unable to stop smiling even then.

Settled against the pillows and curled together some time later as Sunyoung recounted her past few days at work, Krystal was filled with contentment and peace like she hadn’t felt since she was human.

“How do you feel about Rothko?” Krystal asked when Sunyoung had finished telling her about the maddening client she'd had to deal with that afternoon.

“Eh,” Sunyoung said with a shrug. “Why?”

Krystal chuckled to herself, pressing her nose against Sunyoung’s cheek. “No reason.”

 

\---

 

The stone manor stood sturdy where it had always been- a constant in the landscape that surrounded it.

Three stories high, it didn’t reach up into the clouds, but rather it seemed that the night sky had dipped down to delicately kiss the roof, stretching out in all directions from where it touched the tallest point. 

The manor had been a home- an escape at first, a safe haven for a time, and a prison for longer.

Shoes against the cobblestones were reminiscent of footfalls in the echoing hallways that lay behind, encased in strong walls. 

Sorrow, resentfulness, and hurt all hung in the damp night air, but perhaps, when the manor was no longer in view, the air would feel cleaner. Maybe an aching heart wouldn’t feel quite so heavy. 

Going back was almost tempting. At least life inside Joonmyun’s spacious estate wasn’t a mystery. It might have been lonely, but there was no telling what kind of hardships lay ahead. 

From then on, there would be no familiar face to find solace in, no matter the pain that those unseeing eyes inspired. 

No, to stay and be unnoticed, unappreciated, and taken for granted wasn’t worth the comfort of having somewhere to call home. 

It was with a heavy heart and determination in his steps that Baekhyun pressed forward, only one last glance at the steadfast structure he was leaving behind.

He had promised to come back, a weak reassurance to those uncomprehending eyes that had flashed with panic upon his declaration that he would depart the next night. 

But when he would return, he never said.

It would be a long time before he saw those stone walls again.

**Author's Note:**

> \- Title from Panic! at the Disco's _Golden Days_.  
>  \- Comments are always appreciated!


End file.
